present

somehow i feel like i have been doing this all my life. today i was thinking that i was tired, that i just wanted to go to the studio and lay down in the heat and rest. and then i got there. it's like if i just get myself there, then i am good. I'll do the class, and i'll give it everything i have to give during that 90 minutes. and something in that process of feeling tired and thinking i can't do it; then finding the strength to dig in deep and give it my all...something there has been with me for so long, in my memory...even though i have only been doing bikram for a little over three weeks.

i just found out that there was a bikram studio two blocks from my house when i lived in Baltimore. why didn't i find it then?

will i still love it 3 months from now? 6 months? 1 year?

this is really helping me be in the present. every time i drift away into the "why?" of the past or the "will i?" of the future...i come right back to today. this happens in class too. i drift off into critical thoughts about my body, or start thinking about the postures that are about to come and how maybe i can't do them like i want to...and then i come back to exactly where i am. in that pose or in the resting posture. and that's when you are able to really feel how strong you are, and feel what it is like to go beyond what you ever thought was possible for yourself. i love it!

maybe it is that feeling of being totally present that connects you to your life so deeply...and that gives you the sense that you have known something all along. i have felt that before...looking into jamie's eyes, and holding my babies. being completely present, no where else to be, nothing else to do.

what a gift to be finding that in the everyday.