that has been my practice of bikram yoga the past three weeks. i have been able to go 6 days a week. i can't believe it. i had every excuse in the book about time and money and everything else when it came to going to the gym or any other kind of taking care of myself. and now somehow...with no time and no money and 3 kids and a job...i have gone 6 days a week for three weeks! wow. just goes to show if you love something and you put your mind to it, anything is possible.
this has seeped into every area of my life. like...jamie and i were having an argument and i was starting to be my usual self...because being someone new, someone who bends and sees the other side and actually considers where the other is coming from...well, that is really uncomfortable. but to quote my friend jen, what i bring from yoga into that life experience is this inner dialouge..."if i can be in a difficult pose with sweat pouring down my body in 105 degree heat, and being totally uncomfortable...then i can be in this conversation in a new way, even if it is uncomfortable." and it works. it works in so many ways.
in class lately, i find myself not wanting to do certain poses. it started with my sore knee, right. there were some poses that i didn't do so i gave my left knee a rest, time to heal. but then, once i let myself have access to the floor, to savasana, or dead body pose...where you are laying on your back, breathing and focusing on one spot...regaining your energy, letting your body reap the benefits of whatever pose you just accomplished. once i let myself go there, it opened the gate to sitting out of other postures. but not totally, it is all this inner talk. i think..."i am so not going to do a second set of camel (ustrasana), forget it, it gave a lot during the first set and i am going to rest." but then after the savasana between poses, when the teacher says it is time to do the sit up to move into the second set....i always get up and do it. the other pose that i actually, ok...it isn't all in my head...i do sit out of triangle pose occasionally. i just have the hardest time with that pose. my inner thighs don't want to stretch that far, my legs can barely keep the bend on the knee constant, let alone moving my arms and looking at the ceiling! forget about it. so, ok, then, now that i put it out there, i am going to do both sets tomorrow. done and done. just you wait and see. actually, why don't you join me so you really can see? :) i know you want to! the funny part about that is...when doing bikram yoga, you can't really check anyone else out and watch them. it takes all your focus to be in class, and you need that centered determined still focus to really get the most out of your poses. just today i blew my nose during class and the next pose, tree pose, was much less balanced. because my i lost my focus, and it took a minute to get back into that place.
here are some words on savasana from Bikram's book...this is for you, dina :) just cause you were wondering, what the hell are we always resting for!
"How hard is (savasana); how complicated can that be? Very and very, because now you are dealing with the untrained mind. The mind is rebellious and disobedient. tell it to do something, and watch it throw a tantrum. When i call for savasana during my classes, I can see the mind of my students begin to mutiny after just 5 or 10 seconds. Toes wiggle, fingers tap, fists and jaws clench, eyes quint, muscles tense, teeth grind and breathing stops. How's that for relaxation? The mind has an agenda of its own, and is terrified of releasing control. Submitting to peaceful relaxation will take power away from the ego and its manipulative tools, fear and desire. when you are able to make your mind your best friend, you have the power, and you achieve a gradual healing and integration of both body and mind."
the whole class is a moving meditation. that is where the intense focus i mentioned earlier comes in to play. in part three of Bikram's book there is a whole chapter on mastering the mind. it goes more in depth about what is happening during the yoga in regards to what i mentioned before in the quote about savasana. alli can say, is that after three week, i have openings everywhere....where before i only saw doors closing. where before i was always a failure, even just after rising out of bed...i am now a courageous and strong woman, awaiting my success everyday.