Tuesday, February 23, 2010

love and well not so much...

grrrr..today has been one of those days that I wonder why I do what I do in my "job" life..actually more like the last few weeks. I do love my job well most of the time but sometimes it makes me want to scream. Today Madeline asked me why I go to work to teach other kids and not stay home and teach them :(...she is kinda right and I often wonder that. I just told her that mama teaches kids that are really special and that it is important that I do that. I went to school for a long time to learn what I do and I am constantly reading, listening, and learning new things so that I can be better at it everyday. I sometimes feel like it is a huge weight on my shoulders...how can I be somewhat responsible for helping these small people learn to communicate...some times just the smallest needs or wants, navigate a world that I don't really understand, be successful in school, tell their mamas that they love them...how? How do I continue to answer questions from teachers and parents, give advice, recommendations on what to do...where to go next, listen to stories from other moms and try to imagine how they feel, give tissues to them and me for the tears that sometimes come...deal with the hitting, kicking, touching, spitting that I know is not at all in vengeance but more in frustration..hell I would do all of that if I could not get across what I was thinking. What if I don't know the answer?..what if I don't know what to say?...what if I can not find the answer?...what if I don't know what to do next? Here is my child...they are 7 years old and don't talk at all...can you fix that for us please??? What if the answer is no? I guess there are many more "important jobs" out there like ones that save peoples lives and such but today I feel that mine is hard. I always want to do a good job and I do LOVE my students...they are truly amazing people who have their very own individual stamp on life. I do love my job...just some days are hard. I am very blessed to do what I do and I never am not grateful for that but just some days are hard...maybe I am better at dancing? a good website if you want more information on Autism..I know I am searching for a passion but kids with Autism are really my passion..maybe that is why some days are hard. http://www.autismspeaks.org/ xxoo-Dina

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Your job is one of the most important on the planet. And you can't fix everything and everyone, but what you do is amazing, and you have a real gift (with kids, grown-ups and teachers!). I know it's also a really hard job, and as a society we don't do a good enough of a job recognizing that, and how important it is. But I want you to know how much WE value you and the work that you do.

I have similar discussions with my kids that you have with Madeline (they want to know the names of the sick kids in the hospital that I help take care of LOL). In your case, I would tell her how every kid has a grown up (who is not their mom or dad) who has made an amazing difference in their lives and that they remember forever because they believed in them and cared about them. Tell her that you are that person for many of the kids you work with, and you are glad that someone else's mommy goes to work and teaches so that they can be that person for her.