More or Less

Posted by Melissa Baumgart
More time spent here...

 Could buy you less time here...

And even if it doesn't, you'll still feel a whole hell of a lot better before you die.

A couple Bikram quotes for the day:

“Death is always in our back pocket. The faster we run, the quicker the shadow shows up. Walk in the yoga room, turnaround and face death and look in the mirror. Growl like a Bengal tiger, grind away like an English Bull dog and death will turn into a chicken and run away.”

"Would you rather suffer 90 minutes or 90 years?"

Kundalini Yoga

Posted by Melissa Baumgart
I was rushing into my yoga class last night, "Get out of my way!  I am trying to get to yoga!" Oh, the irony.  After signing up for my beginner special at the new Kundalini Yoga studio I was trying out, I was very pleased with myself for remembering to silence my phone.  Then, at the last minute, I remembered the alarm.  It was 6:45 and I would be in class at 7:20.  That alarm goes off right through the silence button.  Could you imagine the horror if I had forgot to turn it off, and heard that duck quacking alarm right in the middle of class.  OK, well, maybe not horror, but extreme embarrassment.

August's Blue Moon, as seen from the ferry to Orcas Island.

I did not get a 7:20 photo yesterday.  I thought it would be rude to get up during the fire breathing cobra pose and snap a shot of the teacher and the one other student in class.  Instead of a photo, I will tell you that what I offer you is an invitation to go and try Kundalini Yoga for yourself.

It is like Bikram yoga's other half.  Eyes closed the whole time, chanting, focusing mostly on your inner world.  Whereas in Bikram, your eyes are open and you are acutely aware of the external world, using all your determination to not be distracted by what you see and keeping your attention on your mat.  Both are physically challenging, but in completely different ways.  Both are mentally challenging as well, a quality I appreciate very much about a yoga practice.  I feel it is so important to discipline our mind.

I can't say I like one better than the other.  They are both perfectly what they should be, and I am pleased to have both in my life right now.

Who picked DIY, Mama?

Posted by Melissa Baumgart

Love/Hate

Tufting Update:
I am half-way finished with the tufting.  I need to wait until tomorrow morning to work on it some more because that is when I will have an extra pair of hands around.  The waiting is difficult.  The tufting was more difficult.  But I have to say, this morning at 6am, with my husband stapling and me holding the thread taut with the button pressed firmly in place, it wasn't that hard.  Dare I say, it has become easy?

But that definition of easy has only come after hours of frustration.  Sometimes perspective is everything.  Just yesterday evening, I looked Amy square in the eye and in a calm voice that clearly masks insanity, I said, "I f*#@ing hate crafting.  I hate it.  I always hate it."

My kids, each one in their own time, has asked, "Who picked DIY, Mama?"  And when I answer, "Me." They look at me bewildered.  They must be thinking, how could someone pick something that makes them so cranky and mean?  And therein lies the true lesson, how to remain calm in the face of extreme frustration and pain.  (My thumbs are killing me.)

I need to get myself back on the yoga mat, in my Bikram class.  That is where I really learn about how to train the mind to be calm in the face of adversity.  How to be less reactionary.  How to not walk over and slap my son's hand and curtly snap "Stop it!" as he annoyingly repeats a tapping noise on the computer keyboard, after being asked many times not to.  Yes, I did that while tufting.

Here are my big tangible lessons thus far:

1. This is a two person job.  This is not a DIY (Do it yourself), it is a DIMYWTHOAF (Do it mostly yourself with the help of a friend.)  
2. Make sure you have extra fabric.  And when you don't, resist the temptation to blame it on the fabric cutter at Jo-Ann's who said you didn't need 3 whole yards.  Always get extra.  That $6.00 - $10.00 is going to matter little in the end.
3. "Just keep tufting.  Just keep tufting."  It may be helpful to sing this little ditty inspired by Dory on the movie, Finding Nemo.  

I will post a final photo when finished, as well as all the nitty-gritty details.  Just wanted to keep you all in the loop.  Since you're all doing this along with me, right?  Right?

Spring Minestrone with Turkey Meatballs

Posted by Melissa Baumgart

After a day of swimming and sweating, a hearty soup sounds so good.  Speaking of sweating, I think I am just as wet when I walk out of Bikram yoga as I am when I leave the pool, no joke.  Ok, back to food, and my apologies, My guess is that some people probably don't appreciate sweat and food in the same paragraph.  I did shower before I cooked, if that makes you feel more comfortable.  I know it made me feel more comfortable.  And smell better!

But what smelled even better was the aroma of the turkey meatballs I made browning in the skillet, while I prepared the beginnings of the soup.  I got the recipe from the most recent Bon Appétit magazine.  When I opened up the magazine, I realized I didn't have all the ingredients.  What's a recipe follower to do?  I didn't want to run out to the store, since I am really trying to only spend what I need to these days.  Talk about being a beginner!  When it comes to money, I am like a kid.  Money is for me to spend, share, and for all to enjoy.  If I have to do without something, it always feels imposed, and not like a choice to save.  I am working on learning how to be more thrifty, and to save more, while not losing that child-like sharing quality that I have around money.

Beginner Mind

Posted by Melissa Baumgart

In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few. 

-Shunryu Suzuki 

Today I completed day four of the water aerobics and Bikram yoga week.  A week of ME time, since I am off of school and my kids are all in school!  A week of taking care of myself by jump starting my weight loss goal with a five day physical fitness regimen that my body has not seen the likes of in quite some time.

I am pleased to say that yoga has been a joy.  The last time I tried to go back after a hiatus, my body couldn't do certain things.  I couldn't grab the back of my heels in the Pada-Hasthasana part of the half-moon series.  I couldn't hold onto my knee during the final spinal twist.  This time around, I can do all these things again, and it feels great!  The shocker is still the fact that in Standing Separate Leg Stretching Pose, my head is so far from touching the floor.  When I was doing my thirty day challenges, I remember the day I finally touched my head to the floor, and now I have so far to go...again.

It is a good reminder.  In life, we often have to start over at something.  Or simply start something new, and we find ourselves in that beginner role again.  Don't forget that being a beginner has a beauty too.  Steve Jobs had a thought provoking quote on being a beginner, he says, “I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.” – Steve Jobs

What can come from being a beginner again in my life?  In your life?  I just want to make sure that I can feel that lightness of being, and not the critical voice of wishing I were already in a more advanced place.  Wishing I were in a place that I am not.  Maybe if we can remember that we are right where we need to be - no matter how far our head is from the floor at yoga class, or what job we lose, or what weight we are - maybe then we can touch that creativity that nourishes us to reach our goals and beyond.

So, for now, if you are a beginner at something...breathe, right where you are.  Exhale and know it will all be OK.

Learning to be right where I am is an ongoing lesson.  Thanks for all your inspiration along the way.

-Melissa  

Excited, but Detached

Let go, and soar high.

Posted by Melissa Baumgart
The beginning of a journey can be exhilarating.  There is hope and promise, and not enough time to have the thoughts that tempt you into giving up on those things.  I have a saying that I use quite often in life, "Excited, but detached."  When I am working toward something in life, I try to keep my mind in the excited stage, without getting too attached to any one outcome.

In my mind, setting a firm goal, and keeping only that one goal in your mind's eye, can be limiting.  With a weight loss goal, I find this particularly challenging.  I have a number I have chosen, 26 pounds.  But I have to look further, and dig past what the number represents.  On a deeper level, what I am really setting my goal for is to find my healthy, fit weight.  140 pounds is just a number that I have felt pretty fit at in previous years.

I am going to attempt to stay enthusiastic.  I am going to ride the waves of feeling down, or feeling like progress is not happening, knowing they won't last forever.  I am going to keep my goal ahead of me, and yet stay open to the possibility of even more.  Of learning more about health, and the wealth it can bring to my life.  Of learning more about my body, and how to love myself.  Of learning acceptance.  And if I lose more than 26 pounds, that's OK too.

What I long for more than anything, is to have a healthy relationship with food and with my body.  To keep making myself a priority.  To be able to eat a cheeseburger and fries and not go overboard, stuffing myself until it hurts.  I am more important than those last five bites of poutine.

I am reminded of what people say about quitting smoking.  That for some people it takes many times, and each time you practice quitting, you get better at it until you're finally completely done.  For me, quitting smoking many years ago was easy.  But my relationship with food, something that you have to eat everyday, is proving to be much more difficult.

I am willing to practice this thing called health as long as it takes.  Healthy living on so many levels.  I am making a promise to stay excited but detached, in regards to the outcome.  Who knows what amazing things lie ahead as I go through this journey with myself.  I don't want to let my limiting goal of a number hinder the world of possibilities open to me!

Today was day three of water aerobics and Bikram yoga.  I am finding that as hard as it is to walk when I get out of bed in the morning from my muscles being so sore, the water exercise really helps loosen things up.  And then in the yoga room, just as I think my arms couldn't possibly do another set of half-moon pose, after a quick rest, the heat has done its magic and I am able to continue on.  Today's class was hot, very hot, but it felt incredible.  I rested when I needed to and I didn't judge myself, I just kept repeating, "I am a beautiful person."

And when I stood there in front o that unforgiving mirror, it gave a little, it was forgiving, and I saw before me a beautiful person.  And I smiled just a little.
-Melissa

Pregnant Melinda's Next Move

Posted by Melissa Baumgart (aka Melinda)
Begrudgingly, I went to hot yoga yesterday.  I was seriously in tears the night before.  I didn't want to shove what I perceive as my chubby body into the tight yoga clothes I used to wear...and stand next to my very fit friend I was invited to go with.  I always hate that this is an issue with me, but it is.  It is ever present.  I believe at this point, that it is more about my mental state of being, and less about the way my body looks.  I would venture to say that it is a state of mind that many women drift towards; some more, some less.

The fact that I love my friend so much, and want to spend time with her, trumped my negativity.  I showed up at the 9:30 am class, nervous, but ready to sweat.  It was difficult, but not nearly as hard as I had anticipated.  The class postures were just as I had expected, 26 poses and two sets of each, and that was a comfort.  The discipline of the form relaxed my fears.  What I didn't expect was the scale in the corner of the bathroom.  Tempted as I was before class, I did not step on it, for fear that the number would haunt me the entire class.  I knew didn't need the extra mental pressure.

After class, though, curiosity won.  I stepped on the scale.  166.  It's not my top weight, but it is up there.  On the BMI calculator, I qualify as overweight, by 3 tenths of a point.   I am 25.2, and normal range is from 18.5 to 24.9.  The calculator I used allows you to set goals, and gives you caloric requirements per day to achieve those goals.  I set my goal to lose 2 pounds per week, and reach a final weight of 140.  That should take 13 weeks.

I have done this before.  Two years ago, I lost 30 pounds.  I know I can do it.  But it is scary to publicly set forth a goal like this.  And it's a little humbling to have worked so hard for something and then realize you chose to let it slip away.  My mind races with questions.  What if I don't follow through?  What if I fail?  What if I succeed and then give ti all away again?  What if...?

I would venture to say that my larger fear is that I will meet my goal and still be in this mind frame.  That I will still see my problem areas as if they are highlighted in bold print.  My simple task in this area is going to be as follows:  As soon as I hear that inner voice being critical, I will say to myself, "You are a beautiful person."  Simple.  We all are, right?  Who am I to argue with that.  Beauty, after all, is more than skin deep.

In order to kick start this goal, and since I have the week off of school, I am devoting my free day time to ME TIME!  Everyday this week I will go to water aerobics and Bikram yoga.  I will turn down the potato chips and french fries and opt for kale and almonds.  And every time I am critical of myself when I look in that unforgiving mirror at yoga class or in the ladies locker room at the pool, I will remind myself, "I am a beautiful person."  Inside and out.

It feels good to be transparent.  What do they say?  Acceptance is the first step?  It's all out there now!

Right now, I am off to my favorite Green Lake water fitness class, and then to my favorite yoga studio, The Sweatbox!  I can't wait to see all the familiar faces.

-Melissa

Quick Update:  I went to both classes and I feel great!  Day two of water aerobics/Bikram yoga is finished!  And YES, I did have to use my little mantra many times.  But the point it, that I remembered to use it!

Your ability to be extraordinary

"Le Cirque" by Georges Seurat

posted by Melissa Baumgart

"We each have the ability to be extraordinary as human beings."

This was one of the last quotes said on the documentary, "Circus."  It was said to sum up what the message of the circus is to the people that come to be entertained by it all.  I would agree.  I feel totally inspired by the circus; the trapeze artists, the jugglers, the tightrope walkers, the clowns.  They dedicate so much time and effort to their craft, and the payoff is incredible.

This is the same feeling that inspired and continues to inspire my commitment to this blog.  We get to try so many new things, so many things that in the past I would have only given lip service to.  I can just hear myself saying to others at a party or sitting around a dinner table, "Oh yeah, I totally want to try the trapeze.  We should take a class one day.  Let's do it."  And then sadly, it would never happen.  Either time or money or both would become my excuse.  

Now here I sit, nervously anticipating, yet again, another attempt at something I am terribly afraid of doing.  But still something that, at one point of time, I thought sounded exciting and fun.  Probably because it was a thought, not likely to manifest in any real tangible future.  Because of the blog, because of my promise to  myself to follow through with every month to the best of my ability, I will be hanging from a high trapeze in little more than three hours.

You never know what new thing might just be the thing that you want to give that kind of dedication to.  For me, it could be yoga.  Sure I leave, but so far, I always come back.  And when I am in that room, I (almost always) give it everything I have.  Or it could be circus arts, after our aerial class Amy and I were very excited about trying it again, maybe practicing and getting better and better.

Maybe you already are extraordinary.  Or maybe you are still searching for a way to surpass limitations you have chosen to put onto yourself in this lifetime.  I say join us.  Find a friend and start your own "Good Luck with That!"  Pick things that you are afraid of, that excite you, that inspire you, that fill you with joy.  The best part is that you'll be trying 6 new things you may have never thought of.  And what's more?  You might just LOVE one of them.  After all, Dina picked yoga!

If you take on the pledge to join us, please let us know.  We love to hear your stories too.

And now, off to worry about the trapeze and how high it is for the next 2 hours and 50 minutes.

For real, wish me luck!

-Melissa

What? Where? How?

posted by Melissa Baumgart

Maybe I should stick with a swing.

What have I got myself into?
November is here.  Already.  When I settled on the idea of doing trapeze for one of our months, Amy and I had just finished our first 30 Day Challenge of Bikram yoga.  I was feeling strong, capable and perhaps a bit daring.  It seems it is easier to feel daring when something is far into the future.


Flash forward 10 months, and here I sit, staring at the flying trapeze right in my face.  Like I mentioned before, I am a number of pounds heavier a lot less daring, and certainly not nearly as strong physically.  I did start back to yoga last week and went 6 out of 7 days.  I plan on doing that again this week.  I think it will help, but I still feel very hesitant about trapeze.  So much so that I couldn't even bring myself to do our signature photo shoot this month.  What would I wear?  Where would we shoot?  I was uninspired.  


How am I going to be able to lift myself with my own arm strength up an aerial silk?  Also add in my fear of heights, and how in the world will I be able to jump off that flying trapeze platform.  Shit.  What have I got myself into?  Oh, and by the way, our first class is this Saturday!


Where am I going?
Then there is the rest of my life.  Ever since I got kicked out of school, I have felt a bit stuck.  I rushed into the decision to go to school, because that is the way it was presented to me.  I had about 2 minutes to decide whether I was going to school or not.  I jumped in, and gave it everything.  But now that there is this lull, this pause for some reflection, I feel lost.  


Do I really want to be a nurse?  Was I in it for the money?  Would I rather open a little cafe since I love to cook?  Would I rather dedicate myself more to the blog and see how this could grow?  Would I rather join the OWS political movement and give my time and effort there?  Or should I help Jamie get his business growing by helping with office/paperwork/advertising?


And why isn't it clear?  Does anyone out there know for certain that they are fulfilling their life's destiny?  I just want to feel satisfied with my work, like I am helping humanity in some way, make enough money to have a simple and easy life, and have enough me time for things like yoga.  


How will it look?
When I am standing up there on the flying trapeze platform, scared shitless to jump, will I feel so alive that everything becomes clear?  I can only hope so, because otherwise, I don't know if I'll be able to convince myself to get up there.


-Melissa

Trade-Offs

Oh, yeah baby!

posted by Melissa Baumgart
"When all else fails, go to yoga!"
This should be my life's motto.

Today was day three of being back to Bikram.  It is shitty, and hard and I whine internally at myself throughout most of class.  But I love it.  WTF is up with that?  Can anyone explain that phenomenon to me?  I guess it is like I realized in the past with this yoga, it kicks my ass into shape on more than the physical level.  You are mentally, emotionally and spiritually training as well.  And there is something deeply satisfying about that.

Still not running.  Isn't 90 minutes of sweating my ass off a good trade-off for running one mile a day?

Time to Reboot.
I was getting out of control with my eating habits.  Even after realizing that I had gained back weight, I ate more.  I consumed bread, chips, cheese, popcorn, pizza, fries, pasta...all like each day was my last.  I know there is something to be said for living in the present, and living like there is no tomorrow.  But maybe, just in case there is, I might need to not have fries and mayonnaise every day.  I might want to look in my fridge and say, "What's fresh today?" once in a while, instead of the usual, "What can I eat that involves mayonnaise?"

Somehow Bikram yoga "re-boots" by system.  One of my teachers put it that way to me today and it really made sense.  Maybe for other people it is running.  Or swimming.  Or playing a sport.  Whatever it is for you, I hope you are blessed to have found it.  And if not,get out there and start trying new things!  Without this blog, I don't know if I ever would have found yoga.

I just hope I have the willpower to stick with it again.

-Melissa

One-Liners, not One-Miles

posted by Melissa Baumgart
Well, would you look at that!  It's a quote taken from a silly you tube video, that I didn't even like at first.  In fact, I never watched it again.  But what I have done is repeat that phrase time and time again for comedic effect in my own life.  I have lots of things I share with those around me that we get from pop culture (or even real life culture), little one-liners that make us laugh til we snort.

9+hrs & $8.52/jar: You what that is?  That's Bullshit!

Here are some others you might be able to place:

"Rude!"
"What's up with that?"
"You know what that is?  That's Bullshit!"
"Girl, yes I did."
"Nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all."
"Calmer than you."


So, have a distracted you enough to perhaps think this month isn't about running?  Did you forget you came here to see how the running was going?  Seems like I have.  After we went running in the dark this past Saturday night, I haven't run at all.  I know, What's up with that?

I did start back to yoga though.  I feel like how when I was a kid and I would recite whole portions of a funny show, like the Simpsons, and now I am reduced to simple one-liners that other people might not even get.  In class, I can barely stand there the whole time, and I feel accomplished just by getting through pranayama breathing.  I think the people in class are glancing over to my mat thinking, "Wow, look at the new chubby girl, poor thing doesn't know what hit her."  Rude!  In the past I could go through the entire series day after day.

And that's how it goes.  Sometimes, we pick a winner.  It is inspiring and motivating, and maybe we even love it so much that we fall down in joyful exhaustion from it all (Urban Homesteading anyone?)
And sometimes we pick a dud.

You never know which choice is going to be a winner or a dud.  I sure wasn't looking forward to Memorizing a Classic Poem, when Amy picked that one.  But I loved it.  I totally got into poetry and memorizing.  And I thought I would love running every day, a small, but attainable goal.  Forget about it.  How is it that twice I have done a 30-day Challenge with Bikram yoga (1 hour and 30 minute class every day) and yet, I couldn't squeeze in 15 minutes a day.  As much as I preached we all could back at the beginning of the month!  

Just look at that!  Life brings so many possibilities and opportunities; we make of them what we will.  Therein lies the choice: do you choose to feel guilty about what you made of it, or do you move on peacefully, with a little more insight into yourself and humanity.  I do feel good about what I spent my energy working on for the past week or so.  I say focus on the positive, look at what you have done and say to the world, "Girl, yes I did!"

So, next time you feel like you've been doing nothing at all, choose your perspective wisely.  Look at what you have done.  Even if it is simply resting, cultivating your inner self, wading through your own darkness.  Even if it is going for it, head-on, with reckless abandon through light and inspiration.

Are there no true duds?  Is there always a silver lining?  Are we always in control of our perspective?  Sometimes that doesn't even seem possible.

As maddening as it all seems sometimes, I believe we can always look to someone else choosing to be in some crazy state of mind and say... "Calmer than you, dude."  And walk away.

-Melissa

Priorities Happen!

My Homestretch.

posted by Melissa Baumgart
I know, I know, so many books, magazine articles and "life coaches" have said this before.  Make yourself a PRIORITY!  I have found, and I admit there is likely an element of timing and fate at hand, but nonetheless when I make something that benefits me a priority, it happens.  I usually have to make some major commitment, like announcing to the world that I am doing Bikram yoga for 30 days straight, or like this month, running a mile every day.  But when I do that, it does happen.  The time seems to appear, even if it is squeezed between errands and meetings and kids (and leads to less sleep!).

When I don't do that, it doesn't. When I don't commit to yoga or running (or whatever you find to be your thing) by letting my family know my intention so they can help me and support me, I find that days go by where I didn't make it to the studio.  Everything seems to be stacking up against me, taking my time and making me to tired to go.  Those months where I don't make myself priority, I cannot fathom how I found the time to do so during other months.  It seems literally impossible.

What can you do for yourself every day?  It takes me at the most 15 minutes to get my running clothes and shoes on, stretch, run a mile, and cool off.  And even if I hate every minute of the run, I feel better for doing it.  (How weird is that?)  What will you do for yourself this month for 15 minutes a day?  You could run with us.  Or you could meditate.  Or you could draw.  Or take a bubble bath after your kids go to sleep.  Anything.

I did run today, but I did not time myself.  I can get a little obsessive about that kind of thing, so I thought it wise to take a day off from "beating my time."

I would be interested to see, with the intention to do something for yourself...something beneficial...how we all feel at the end of October.  Do you think it will make a difference?  Could it be that spark to ignite a light through the dark months to come?  (Hey, I live in Seattle, it starts getting dark at 4:30pm in the winter)  Or will everything be the same?

I am going to take the chance and see what happens.  What do I have to lose?

But what I don't want to do is make anyone who doesn't make the time, or just can't for any reason, feel bad.  I simply want to share my experience and hope to inspire at least one person along the way, OK, maybe two.  Three.  But really, be where you are.  It is such a tricky thing, to expect the best in yourself, and yet have compassion for those times that you aren't up to it.  I struggle with that regularly.

On that note; I am very, very happy to say that I have heard from at least three women and one husband, that they have also taken on the running one mile a day challenge!  You can do it!!!

-Melissa

Me and Nadia Comaneci

Posted by Amy Baranski

Doodle by Amy Baranski.

Ever since I was 12 I've dreamt of becoming an Olympic athlete. During my last 30 day Bikram yoga challenge, amid the growing chaos of my unchored home and the mounting haystack of emails, voice mails, and text messages, I became Nadia Comaneci.

The precise moment I stepped into the heated and muggy studio everything in my real life melted away. The saga of my perfect ten played out during the 90 minute class. At times you could hear a pin drop in the gymnasium. The crowed held its breath as I took the floor.

I vaulted, tumbled, balanced the beam, and whipped my body around the uneven bars. But, mostly I practiced, tucked away in a small warm gym somewhere in the Romanian countryside. Everyone else in the studio was training too. The difference was that I was Nadia Comaneci, and everything I did was for the Olympics.

no, you can't rush tai chi...

Throughout March, we visited three different tai chi practices and/or classes.  We checked out many tai chi books and DVD's from the Seattle Public Library.  We Netflixed and rented many Kung-fu movies, starting with of course, Tai Chi Master.  It seems the more you focus on something, the more you see it.  We have seen so many people practicing tai chi in public this month.  As we were coming home from our 30th day of yoga, we saw the man in the picture here below, and promptly turned the car around and Amy got out and took his picture.  Oh yeah, we also completed another 30-day Bikram yoga challenge, just had to add that non-tai chi passion.

Random man practicing tai chi.  Photo by Amy

Here is what we have to pass on, if you would like to make tai chi a part of your life:

1. You can't rush tai chi.  Whether you are finding the right place to learn, group to practice with or learning the form...take your time and slow down.  
2. Find the right teacher.  Look around, interview teachers, sit in on classes, whatever it takes to make sure you found the teacher that best suits your learning style.  Different teachers are inspiring and motivating to different people.  Trust that you will be brought to the teacher you need, but be patient, it might not be the first one you meet.
3. Tai chi is a lifetime of learning and practice.  Some things this blog has taken on, like learning the Single Ladies dance for instance...can be done in a month.  Maybe not as well as Beyonce, but nevertheless, we did learn it.  We found that tai chi is not something you can learn in a month, make a bigger commitment if this is something you are considering making a part of your life. 
4. What do you want in your "medicine cabinet" later in life?  You can learn tai chi when you are young and really have it as a practice as you age, bringing you health, happiness and peace.  But you should never feel like it is too late, start your tai chi practice now, no matter what your age.  It is accessible to everyone, and you'll find a wide population practicing it wherever you are.
5. Check out some good ole kung fu movies.  I know, this really doesn't have a lot to do with tai chi, but somehow we convinced ourselves that it did.  And I (Melissa) really enjoyed some quality films that I otherwise would have never considered. 

We hope you enjoyed reading along with our tai chi journey.  We really love having this blog, and we so appreciate all of you readers.  Here's to tomorrow, and the start of April: Mushroom Foraging!  We are pretty excited to see what we can learn about mushrooms....and look forward to you joining us, and sharing your thoughts and learnings in your own journeys as well.

namaste,

Melissa and Amy

What are your sentiments?

posted by Melissa


This week I have had two momentous points of finishing something I set out to accomplish.  And after tomorrow it will be three things, although the third is not quite as satisfying.

On Monday night, I finished All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy.  I have been working on this book since the late Autumn.  And here it is Spring.  Reading books is something I wish I did more of, like eating fish or having patience with my kids.  I find it extremely hard to find books that capture my attention enough for me to get past the first few pages.  Short attention span maybe?  Or refined literary taste?  Sadly, I think I know the answer.

*            *          *

Today, I finished my 30 day challenge of Bikram yoga at the SweatBox here in Capitol Hill.  Amy and I went to the morning class, and my friend Kristy came along.  Our teacher, Laura, made the class special in so many ways (she often does).  Today she read an inspiring poem at the beginning of class and another at the end.  I swallowed back the urge to cry during the poem she read as we all rested in our final savasana.  The feeling of gratitude for being able to show up everyday, the depth of her appreciation for our dedication to ourselves and the words of the poem all came together and hit me right in the center of my chest.

The Good People

The Good People everywhere

will teach anyone who wants to know

how to fix all things breaking and broken in this world –

including hearts and dreams –

and along the way we will learn such things as

why we are here

and what we are supposed to be doing

with our hands and minds and souls and our time.

That way, we can hope to find out why

we were given a human heart,

and that way, we can hope to know

the hearts of other human beings

and the heart of the world.

Danny Siegel

*         *          *

And tomorrow I will finish tai chi month.  Wishing I had done more.  But being OK with simply learning about the ancient practice, opening my horizons to kung-fu movies, and incorporating 5 minutes of walking meditation into my daily life.

I think it is through the yoga that I learn to expand my attention span so I could reach my goal of finishing the novel.  It is also through practicing simple things like slow walking or walking meditation for just 5 minutes a day, even if it is in the midst of children yelling and pushing to get to the bathroom.  Leads me to wonder what other books might I now be able to finish?  What other uncomfortable situations might I be able to bear without letting it shake my foundation?  

In All the Pretty Horses McCarthy writes, "In the end we all come to be cured of our sentiments.  Those whom life does not cure death will.  The world is quite ruthless in selecting between the dream and the reality, even where we will not.  Between the wish and the thing the world lies waiting."

The word sentiment can be defined as: A view of or attitude toward a situation or event; an opinion.

Yoga cures me of my sentiments.  

in gratitude,

Melissa

  

Bones to Skin Mega Constellation

Posted by Amy Baranski
The past few weeks have proven particularly challenging. A gradual and persistent cold stealthily unloaded all its home furnishings from a microscopic U-haul truck and redecorated my sinuses. I'm all for new neighbors but this one keeps me up at night and in the early morning. Banging on the walls to tell them to turn down their raging party has had little to no effect. In return, there were several days that I thought about throwing in the towel on the March 30 day yoga challenge.

Doodle by Amy Baranski.

It was just in January that I completed a 30 day challenge with Melissa. And in February I think I put in a good solid 20 days. So I deserve a break and besides maybe my body was telling me to slow the fuck down. And so on day 22 I moped about pretty much deciding to call it off. I mentioned the decision to Melissa who simply replied: you are? About an hour later I was packing up my yoga stuff and heading out to the Sweatbox.

What happened was a series of visualizations and one realization.

Visualization #1: Day 30 - there's palpable excitement in the air. The teacher congratulates everyone who completed the 30 day challenge. There may be "goodies" in the studio. People clap and smile. I'm lying on my stomach in Savasana feeling like I don't deserve a pat on the back for participating. A single tear drops from the corner of my eye.

Visualization #2: Day 30 - after class I go to the big chart on the wall where we track our progress by awarding ourselves stars for each day we've completed. I look at the chart and the overwhelming number of stars it contains. I see a black-hole in this bones to skin mega-constellation. The black-hole sucks me into its disappointing depths. I try to cough up the hard and painful golf ball in my throat.

Visualization #3: Day 30 - I run into Melissa who's completed the 30 day challenge. She's ready to go out and celebrate. We go to Big Mario's for a slice and a pint. We toast. She says congratulations. I smirk and say I don't deserve it. I sit hunched over in the booth eating my pizza unsatisfied.

Ultimately finding little to no merit in this daydreams I decided they were unwarranted, uneeded, and competitive thoughts. I decided not to go to yoga and perpetuate some kind of competitive mind-fuck I was (now conciously) putting myself through. This felt like a real grown up decision, rational and self-loving.

After more consideration I thought, if I'm not doing the 30 day challenge "to win" then why did I really start it in the first place? I realized that for me, the purpose of the 30 day challenge has been about establishing a dedicated practice of yoga. Going 30 days in a row teaches my mind and my body to make room and space for yoga, no matter how late my neighbors keep me up at night. It forces me to not give up on this, like I have on so many other physical pursuits. It teaches my muscles to move every day and never let go of loving my body and my health. So I gathered my mat, towel, and water bottle and went. And I keep going and I will keep going and going.

how do you slow down?

posted by Melissa


Take a deep breath.

That what I needed to do several, no hundreds of times, in the past few days.  And after all that getting worked up, it wasn't as bad as I had imagined it would be in my head.  Looking back to when I sat here writing my last post, I feel like I was a little Tasmanian devil whirling around typing furiously.  I can't believe how much we can stress about things that haven't even happened yet.  It's no wonder I was having a bad yoga class that day.

Tallulah June, fashion show 3/25/11

Lily's party was so fun....we did hair and makeup and had a music filled fashion show with the runway right down the middle of our dining room.  Lily loved it all...and so did I.  I would post a picture of her, except her idea of high fashion involved some hot pants that I just do not want seen in a picture of her out on the Internet.  Seriously.  I can't believe how grown up 11 years old is.  Here is one of Tallulah though, way more appropriate.  Very 5 years old.

Tai chi.  I know this month is about tai chi, not birthday parties or yoga.  Even though that is what has been consuming me this week.  I really wish I could have gone to that class on Thursday, that is what I need to learn tai chi.  A teacher, a class, and clear step by step instruction.  Repeat.  Repeat again.  And again.  Then it begins to sink in.

Currently, tai chi looks like this for me: I get out my tai chi books and try to follow along as I have the book sitting on the table in front of me.  I get to the third step, just after the part where you step your feet apart and raise your arms up and down...and that is about it.  I am able to do the "slow walking" that Saul taught us, as painfully slow as that is.  It is amazing how much my thighs hurt and how wobbly my balance gets just shifting weight from one foot to another, and moving forward very slowly.  
And this is before I have a glass of wine, or have shotgunned a PBR!

Even if slow walking is all I learned from tai chi month, it can still be meaningful.  If, and I stress that word if...If I use it in my life.  I think that taking a deep breath could have helped me through this week when I reached my frazzled, whiny states.  Slow walking would have also helped.  Just realizing I have 5 minutes to be slow would have sent a message to my charged endocrine system to also slow down.  That everything is ok, and we don't need to be in flight or fright mode 24/7.

So, for the next 5 days, that is my commitment for the blog.  I will spend at least 5 minutes slow walking.  Anyone else up for the challenge?  It's just 5 days.  I can see it now, people across the US and Switzerland (I know where my audience is) slow walking in their homes, in the park, to the grocery store.  It will be a phenomenon, the new "it" thing to do.   This is a link to a walking meditation instruction, which is the closest thing I have found to what we learned that day in class.  Check it out and give it a try.

So much in life tells us to be faster, keep moving, onto the next thing.  I feel like it could be so useful to have more stimuli to the brain and body letting it know it is ok to slow down.  That is why savasana is so hard sometimes, it can be easier to sweat and work your muscles til they burn, than to lie still and rest.  At least when we are moving we are "doing" something...and that's the American way.

What ways do you slow down?  OR do you feel like going, going, going is it for you...that it works?  If so, why does it work?  Leave me a comment, let me know your thoughts on being slow....

peace,
Melissa

Being a beginner

pushing hands @ Cal Anderson Park

When I was in grad school at Tai Sophia Institute in Maryland, I had to take what they called a philosophy class named SOPHIA skills.  It stood for School of Philosophy of Healing in Action.  The Program catalog from 2003 describes the course as such :

Based on the cycles of nature, this 10-day intensive unit introduces the notion of life force as well as a language and theory of healing.  Students learn observation skills as well as the language and concepts of Tai Sophia's philosophy of healing.

The class continued on past the intense 10 day, 8-hours-a-day, aptly named, intensive (maybe brainwashing seemed a better term, I thought at the time).  Every week we would learn more about rapport building, sensory awareness, being an observer and interpersonal skills.  A lot of the time I resisted the strict adherence to the language chosen by the school.  We could not veer from the "language" of SOPHIA.  Ever.  Here are a couple rules I remember:

"Replace but with and...we do not use the word but here."   

Example:    

       "I like the class, but I have a hard time with the language."  -NO                  

       "I like the class, AND I have a hard time with the language." -YES

Or the one where you can't say to someone... 

"You look beautiful in that color shirt."   

Instead, you could say... 

"In the presence of you wearing that purple shirt, I know life as beautiful."

I also resisted the way the class (and teachers) would bring me to my edge, of learning about myself and life.  I would see this image of myself standing at a cliff, timidly looking over the edge as rocks started crumbling beneath my feet and falling way, way down into the unknown.  It was an image I had seen before in my mind.
Every time, I would turn and run to solid ground.  How dare they push me?  They don't know what lies over that edge.  They won't be there with me at night when I lose it because I went too far.
I found the whole thing irresponsible on their part.

I was a beginner and I was afraid.  Ironically, it was in SOPHIA class where I learned the concept of honoring being a beginner.  I found myself talking about it today in my kitchen with Amy.   Back then, I was not ok with being a beginner in learning about my edges.  I got all indignant about the people that I perceived as pushing me, instead of being gentle with myself and being ok with where I was.  I was not ready to jump off that edge. And somehow I saw interpreted that as a bad thing.

In life, I find that we often stay on comfortable solid ground.  We find what works for us and we keep doing that.  Even when it is no longer working,

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

posted by Melissa

(and why do so many of my blog titles involved bad 80's songs?)

Hello again, blogosphere world.  Yes, we are still here.  I think the lack of posts from this week goes to show the human-ness of us two blogging ladies.  Sure, sure I know there are bloggers out there with 12 kids and a job and they run a soup kitchen and sew all their kids clothes, all while milking their own goats and making homemade cheese and ice cream (i know, gross)...and they still find time to blog.  

But really, truly, that is not us.  While we may be super women in our own ways, we don't even have goats.  I doubt we could at our apartment building.  We are, however, striving for balance in life.  This blog is giving us an outlet for creativity and learning new things...but it was never intended to be something that felt like a chore, or exhausted us.  It is to fill us up.  I hope that our faithful readers (love you all!) can understand and find some inspiration in that human-ness that we sometimes show when we are absent for a few days.

Tai chi @ the Greenwood Senior Center

Which reminds me of yoga.  What doesn't remind me of yoga?  

The other night as we were about to fall asleep in bed, Jamie and I were talking about yoga.  

I literally said, "It's like all of life happens right there on your mat."  

Jamie said, "Yoga Nerd!"

But I meant it.  All the mental trials and tribulations of life, all the joys and triumphs, the pain and suffering, the bliss...it is all happening right there on everyone's mat.  Silently.  I am so inspired by it.  

Yoga offers me a place to live past what I thought my potential was.  I can try everyday to move further into a pose, and yet I have to learn how to know myself and my body enough to know when it is time to rest and not move further.  When to give myself a mental slap in the face to stop my stupid whining, and when to let the whining wash over me and let go of it and take a savasana.  It is like that with the blog.  We do want the experience of moving into situations that may be uncomfortable, like meeting new people at a tai chi class, working through writer's block, waking up early to go to do something "for the blog" when your bed is sooo cozy and warm...to find that you learn something life changing or meet someone that says something forever meaningful.   

But we also need to learn when life has become too busy and it is time to slow down.  

And being ok with it, still loving yourself through those feelings of being a total loser.

That can be harder than pushing yourself sometimes.  

So, this morning, I got up and went to another tai chi class.  

what beauty lies 11 pages away from where you might give up?

posted by Melissa


Do you ever start books and have a hard time getting through, oh, I don't know...the first 150 pages?  Sometimes, a lot of times, that happens for me.  Even with books that I eventually end up liking, if I ever do get past those first pages.  I started the book, All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy (Don't read the "plot summary" part of the link if you haven't read the book, it gives away the story line.)  about 5 months ago.  Just a week ago or so I made it past page 150, and it finally got gripping.  So much so that last night I was actually angry at Tallulah for not wanting the light on because I wanted to keep reading the book in bed.

I find this whole tai chi adventure to be similar.  Here we are half way through the month and I am still confused, my attention drifting easily to everything else in my life, and wondering why I am doing this in the first place.  But like the McCarthy book, I have something invested in finishing this out.  With the book it was my love for his other book, The Road, that kept me going.

tough choices 

With tai chi, it is the blog, and my love for finding my way through whatever challenge it brings that keeps me going.  If I had first read the horse book without having read the post-apocalyptic tale beforehand, my guess is that I would have given up on reading about horses.  And if I did have a commitment to this blog, and what I have seen transform in myself through the pursuit of the blog, I would probably have quit you too, tai chi.

And so this morning, instead of finishing my horse book, I will pick up this lovely little gem of a tai chi book and see where it takes me.  Who knows, I might find a passage as moving as the one I will leave you with today.  I found it on page 161 in the horse book...11 little pages past my usual quitting point.  I guess you never know what beauty lies a few page turns away.

"THAT NIGHT he dreamt of horses in a field on a high plain where the spring rains had brought up the grass and the wildflowers out of the ground and the flowers all ran blue and yellow as far as the eye could see and in the dream he was among the horses running and in the dream he himself could run with the horses and they coursed the young mares and fillies over the plain where their rich bay and their rich chestnut colors shone in the sun and the young colts ran with their dams and trampled down all the flowers in a haze of pollen that hung in the sun like powdered gold and they ran he and the horses out along the high mesas where the ground resounded under their running hooves and they flowed and changed and ran and their manes and tails blew off of them like spume and there was nothing else at all in that high world and they moved all of them in a resonance that was like music among them and they were none of them afraid horse nor colt not mare and they ran in that resonance which is the world itself and which cannot be spoken but only praised."  -Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses 

Ok, so I know I said I was leaving you with that quote, but as I wrote the title to the post it got me to thinking.  What else do I give up on?  Why?  Isn't it sometimes good to know when to say something isn't working any more?  How do you know when that time is right?  or wrong?

I, of course, started thinking about yoga.  In class yesterday my teacher, Laura, said something that totally brought me to a new place of my practice.  And one that coincidentally is totally aligned with my writing this morning.  She said something to this effect, "In Bikram yoga it is believed that you get the physical in shape and the spiritual will follow.   Physical, mental and then spiritual."  She had also shared another little nugget of wisdom earlier in the same class about moments of self love and how we come to this class for ourselves.  This is MY practice, wow.  For me.

And it hit me, in every class lately I have so many moments of wanting to quit.  "I'll only do one of those postures."  Even when I can physically, I fall out mentally.  I was showing up for the challenge of the 30 days, for the teachers, for the Sweatbox...but not for me.  This is my life, this is my practice, my body.  It is so motivating to be reminded of what I fell in love with about Bikram yoga.

What beauty lies within me...maybe just one pose away?  I think I am willing to find out.

And now I really will leave you...with one of my favorite Bikram quotes:

"Never too late, never too old, never too bad, and never too sick to do this yoga and start from scratch once again." -Bikram Choudury

peace,
Melissa