Sunday, April 26, 2015

Shoulds

Posted by Melissa
I usually work every Sunday.  Today I have off.  I thought about all the things I could do with my day off.  I had quite a list of things that I should do...go on a hike, go to the spa, go to yoga, visit my mom, clean my house.  Instead, I chose to watch movies all day and do macrame.  And I feel great about it.

I'm on my third romantic comedy of the day.  It's called "The One I Love."  It's a delightfully bizarre love story.  It's nice when a movie provokes you to think about life, feel deeply and learn something new about yourself. All of my choices led me through that mental and emotional landscape today.  But everything always seems to work out in the movies.  Even if it seems like the character has really fucked everything up.  It's comforting.  Starting with Bridget Jones' Diary and ending with Beginners, it was a perfect day of "me" time. 


I walked to the local "everything" store in between movies and grabbed what I needed to start a new macrame project.  It's going to be a wall hanging, made with thick white cotton rope, above my couch.  I have been dreaming of creating this very thing for years.  It feels good to finally do something you've always wanted to do. One of those things that you carry around as creative inspiration, but then somehow it morphs into a weight of something you should be doing.  

Last night I was thinking about how precious life is.  I thought, that what if I died...what would I regret having not done?  The first thing I thought about was writing a book or a screenplay.  I'm at a time of transition in my life, for a while now.  It almost seems like I am always in transition.  Always figuring out what is coming next, where to go, what to do.  Is that just what being an adult is like?  Am I the only one still feeling like I haven't figured it out yet at the age of 42? I do know that I am done carrying around writing as a weight, It's time to simply sit down and do it.

No matter what happens, or what I continue to not figure out...at least I created macrame.  At least I felt deeply, loved hard and wasn't afraid to make mistakes along the way.  At least sometimes I knew what shoulds to follow and what ones to let go. And I keep being blessed with a new dawn to keep trying.

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