Revel in the basics

Posted by Melissa Baumgart
Last night, as we were about to leave Lily's trapeze class, one of the moms asked me how sign language was going.  But she didn't just ask me, she sign language asked me!  I didn't even know what she was doing at the time, that's how "not doing sign language" I have been lately. 

Next thing I know, Tallulah is chatting with her about all these different signs.  Now, I know it isn't much, but I did learn a few signs last night just by being in the right place at the right time.  Revel in the small things, right?  Maybe by doing that, I open space for more and more to pile in...instead of walking around feeling guilty about the fact that I didn't learn the dang alphabet.

I think Lily is signing, "You did it!"

Here's what I learned:
Yes
No
Good 
Good Morning
Good Night
Please
Thank You
Sorry
More

Here's what it inspired me to learn this morning:
I'm Hungry
OK
Where?
Water

And I learned a lot more from this You Tube video:

This guy is pretty funny.  Tallulah and I were cracking up at the "In your face" and "Shut your mouth" comments.
Now if I learn to spell out Seattle, I can say "I am from Seattle." or "I live in Seattle."

So, open yourself up to the little victories in life!

just like always

Posted by Melissa Baumgart

Veggie Minestrone, made by me.

I am so excited (for real, I know you all think I am kidding here) to teach my husband, Jamie how to cook.  His cooking repertoire pretty much consists of eggs, pasta, salad, veggie sandwiches, frozen pizzas, and a sorry attempt at stir fry.  Sorry, Jamie, but you know it is true.  And what I have always appreciated is the attempt.  The fact that Jamie tries his best to make the family a dinner when I am not able is so sweet, and is yet one more reason that I think he is one of the best Dads out there.

I found my son seated upon the dunk tank at the carnival!
Soaking wet!

So, the exciting part of this month is the possibility that when I cannot make dinner, or maybe even sometimes when I can, Jamie will have the confidence in the kitchen to step up and make his family a tasty meal. I thought we would start our lessons this weekend, but it turned out that when we weren't at sporting events, Lily's fist trapeze show or the school carnival (all for the kids), he was working.  Was this his master plan?  To not be around to be taught by his wife, the most amazing teacher ever?  Doubtful, since this month was his idea in the fist place.

So, just like always, I cooked this weekend.  Which is fine, like I said before, I love it.  I did relinquish control on Friday night as we were celebrating the new liquor laws in Washington state.  You can now buy liquor at the local grocery store, and so we commemorated the historical event with margaritas!  And I taught Jamie to how to make a batch.  He made a pretty good margarita, I must say.

Lily's Trapeze show!

My plan for the week ahead is to get Jamie's list of cooking goals in writing.  Then I want to have him look through three of my favorite cookbooks...two simple, one a little more intricate...and pick at least one recipe from each.  Throughout this month I intend on making sure he learns not only how to use a cookbook, but how to make a shopping list, get the timing of cooking down and above all feel confident in the kitchen.

I think if someone can use a cookbook, they can cook anything.  To me, that is the first step, and after that you can experiment and improvise.  I strongly suggest "not re-inventing the wheel" as Dina would say, and start with what the experts have to say.  Get the basics and brach out from there.  I think, as a jazz musician, Jamie will really appreciate that approach.

Our friend Erin is staying with us and made this YUMMY cake,
Jewish Apple cake, her Bubbe's recipe!

And finally, my ultimate goal for Jamie this month, is to have him plan and execute a dinner party.  From the invites, to the menu, to the shopping, and the cooking...all of it.  And I promise to do the dishes!

Cheers to a fun month ahead!

"Do it yourself!"

Posted by Melissa Baumgart
Here is what DIY looked like this past weekend:

Kid 1:  "Mama!  I need a glass of water!"

Me:  "Do it yourself!"

Kid 2:  "Mom!  Get my pajamas for me!"

Me:  "Do it yourself!"

Kid 3:  "Mama!  Will you find my baseball hat for me?"

Me:  "Do it yourself!"

It's everywhere!

I thought this weekend was going to be filled with sawing and stapling and other crafty DIY kind of stuff.  Instead it was filled with sunshine and family, processing raw life emotions and baking Easter bread. Like I often say here on GLWT, you gotta roll with the punches.  I just drove by that strip mall that Amy and I went to last year when we were learning tai chi.  It brought me back to that experience and reminded me how much I love that this blog has taken me to so many places, to meet so many people and totally takes me out of my comfort zone.

It takes guts, for sure.  And sometimes, I end up never wanting to do something again.  But the experience enriches my life nonetheless.  I was just talking to my Dad the other day about my financial struggles with school, and he reminded me that life experience isn't something you can fake. The fact that struggle presented itself and I found a way to persevere, has brought an experience to my life that no classroom could ever offer.

So, even within our times of fear or struggle, there is always a place within each of us called courage.  You can't find your courage until your trembling, and shaky and wondering if you might just fall off the side of a mountain.  Or maybe you're about to step onto a trapeze platform and fly for the first time.  Or maybe it looks like changing a habit that's no longer serving your body, mind and spirit.  Whatever that is for you, I challenge you to go there and find your courage.

This week, I will not only continue on my journey to reaching my goal weight, but I will also be stepping way out of my non-handy-person world and finishing a DIY project.  I am officially making that commitment. *yikes*  Let's just hope whatever I make will actually be usable!
-Melissa

She's a natural!

Lily.

posted by Melissa Baumgart
The title of this post is NOT about me.  While I look awkward and bent in all the wrong ways, my daughter, Lily, has superb form.  Her body naturally arcs back exactly like they instructed us to, her eyes remain on her hands, her toes are pointed and then she lifts her feet up through her arms and onto the trapeze bar with ease and grace.  It is beautiful to watch.

When I am up there, standing with my toes over the edge, feet spread apart and knees bent in the "Ready" position, I envision myself jumping off and looking just like Lily.  (Reminds me of poker...and I quote, "I feel like a winner, but I just keep losing.")  In my trapeze fantasy, my legs are straight, my tummy taut and I fly above the net with agility and poise. In my trapeze reality, as evidenced by many photos that I will not be posting,  my legs are bent at the knee, they are dangling apart and my belly is hanging over my somewhat fallen pants after my ill fated attempt at performing the knee hang.

Me.

That's now become the hardest part of trapeze for me.  We are going to the big Trapeze Party tonight, the one that I organized and may end up paying more than I bargained for, and I don't want to go.  It's not that I am afraid to climb back up that ladder, I mean, I am still afraid, but not like the first time.  It's that I am embarrassed.  That's totally different.

I know it's OK to not be good at things.  And, when it was just me and a few people, I felt proud to have simply stood up there and had the balls to jump.  But now that so many people I know will be watching, I want to be good at it.  I know they will all be good at it and I want to be a part of that crowd.  High-fiving and confident.

Lily hugging me after I finally got the knee hang.

Being insecure is like being afraid.  It doesn't feel good, you want nothing more than for it to go away, and yet, there it is...stuck to you like pine sap on your hands after looking for the perfect Christmas tree.  Not that I am picky about my trees, for real, I am not.  Just been thinking about Christmas trees.

So, there it is.  Airing out all my "dirty laundry" so to speak.  
Putting myself out there, hanging myself on that trapeze bar like my stained kitchen tablecloth that never gets clean is out hanging for all the neighbors to see.

So, I guess that is saying I am going to do it tonight.  But I am not saying I'll like it.

-Melissa

Adrenaline Balancing Act

posted by Melissa Baumgart
It's been about a month and a half now since I stopped going to school.  This morning as I laid in bed, I heard Jamie opening the back door with a rushed purpose.  I assumed he was taking out the trash, after washing the dishes, and trying to quickly get it all done before heading out to work.  And it hit me, I have been taking everything slower these days.  I have not really had a reason to scramble through my morning, trying to get everything done in 15 minutes.

It has become more and more clear that I get less done with more time.  Having all this time leads me to a slower pace, which leads me to not getting as much done.  Something about shoving everything into a short period of time lends itself to frantically industrious days.  I have always thrived in last-minute scenarios and crisis inducing time lines.  So, while I am treasuring this slower time...I think I miss the rush.

Today I will be spending my day writing my "letter of intent" to Seattle University's nurse midwifery program.  It is due this Thursday, a self imposed procrastination to bring about a last minute (hopeful) spark of brilliance.  I find it hard to write about myself in a way that "sells" who I am to someone else.  This blog style writing where I can be self deprecating and frank about how life can really suck sometimes, and through that honesty find inspiration comes much more naturally.

It's funny to reflect about missing being busy.  Especially since when I am busy, it seems like all I do is complain about it.  Or use it as an excuse for not being better at keeping in touch with people or getting my chores done.  Or maybe it is simply the culturally acceptable way to be, so I share and commiserate with all the other unfortunate souls with whom I share this frenzied state of being.  Busy.

Is that where I get my adrenaline rushes?  Through running all over the apartment picking up laundry, wiping up spilled maple syrup on the table, squeezing in a blog post between dropping the kids off and vacuuming?  While others jump off trapeze platforms or catch big waves to get it all going inside, to feel alive.  I have to say though, after experiencing the rush of the trapeze vs. a busy mom rush, they don't compare.  One is more succinct in its aliveness, the other feels chronic and never ending.  Maybe I don't miss it after all.  

Perhaps it comes down to balance?  Rest/Work/Play.

I am so not good at balance.

And lately, I just stop and wonder...if we are not good at something, why do we often assume that we need to be?  I wonder if just living strongly into who we are, right now, is just as "good" as becoming a "better" person by changing what we are not good at.

Have a great Monday....no matter how it shows up.  Slow.  Fast.  Or the just right balance of the two.

-Melissa  

What? Where? How?

posted by Melissa Baumgart

Maybe I should stick with a swing.

What have I got myself into?
November is here.  Already.  When I settled on the idea of doing trapeze for one of our months, Amy and I had just finished our first 30 Day Challenge of Bikram yoga.  I was feeling strong, capable and perhaps a bit daring.  It seems it is easier to feel daring when something is far into the future.


Flash forward 10 months, and here I sit, staring at the flying trapeze right in my face.  Like I mentioned before, I am a number of pounds heavier a lot less daring, and certainly not nearly as strong physically.  I did start back to yoga last week and went 6 out of 7 days.  I plan on doing that again this week.  I think it will help, but I still feel very hesitant about trapeze.  So much so that I couldn't even bring myself to do our signature photo shoot this month.  What would I wear?  Where would we shoot?  I was uninspired.  


How am I going to be able to lift myself with my own arm strength up an aerial silk?  Also add in my fear of heights, and how in the world will I be able to jump off that flying trapeze platform.  Shit.  What have I got myself into?  Oh, and by the way, our first class is this Saturday!


Where am I going?
Then there is the rest of my life.  Ever since I got kicked out of school, I have felt a bit stuck.  I rushed into the decision to go to school, because that is the way it was presented to me.  I had about 2 minutes to decide whether I was going to school or not.  I jumped in, and gave it everything.  But now that there is this lull, this pause for some reflection, I feel lost.  


Do I really want to be a nurse?  Was I in it for the money?  Would I rather open a little cafe since I love to cook?  Would I rather dedicate myself more to the blog and see how this could grow?  Would I rather join the OWS political movement and give my time and effort there?  Or should I help Jamie get his business growing by helping with office/paperwork/advertising?


And why isn't it clear?  Does anyone out there know for certain that they are fulfilling their life's destiny?  I just want to feel satisfied with my work, like I am helping humanity in some way, make enough money to have a simple and easy life, and have enough me time for things like yoga.  


How will it look?
When I am standing up there on the flying trapeze platform, scared shitless to jump, will I feel so alive that everything becomes clear?  I can only hope so, because otherwise, I don't know if I'll be able to convince myself to get up there.


-Melissa