|Let go, and soar high.|
The beginning of a journey can be exhilarating. There is hope and promise, and not enough time to have the thoughts that tempt you into giving up on those things. I have a saying that I use quite often in life, "Excited, but detached." When I am working toward something in life, I try to keep my mind in the excited stage, without getting too attached to any one outcome.
In my mind, setting a firm goal, and keeping only that one goal in your mind's eye, can be limiting. With a weight loss goal, I find this particularly challenging. I have a number I have chosen, 26 pounds. But I have to look further, and dig past what the number represents. On a deeper level, what I am really setting my goal for is to find my healthy, fit weight. 140 pounds is just a number that I have felt pretty fit at in previous years.
I am going to attempt to stay enthusiastic. I am going to ride the waves of feeling down, or feeling like progress is not happening, knowing they won't last forever. I am going to keep my goal ahead of me, and yet stay open to the possibility of even more. Of learning more about health, and the wealth it can bring to my life. Of learning more about my body, and how to love myself. Of learning acceptance. And if I lose more than 26 pounds, that's OK too.
What I long for more than anything, is to have a healthy relationship with food and with my body. To keep making myself a priority. To be able to eat a cheeseburger and fries and not go overboard, stuffing myself until it hurts. I am more important than those last five bites of poutine.
I am reminded of what people say about quitting smoking. That for some people it takes many times, and each time you practice quitting, you get better at it until you're finally completely done. For me, quitting smoking many years ago was easy. But my relationship with food, something that you have to eat everyday, is proving to be much more difficult.
I am willing to practice this thing called health as long as it takes. Healthy living on so many levels. I am making a promise to stay excited but detached, in regards to the outcome. Who knows what amazing things lie ahead as I go through this journey with myself. I don't want to let my limiting goal of a number hinder the world of possibilities open to me!
Today was day three of water aerobics and Bikram yoga. I am finding that as hard as it is to walk when I get out of bed in the morning from my muscles being so sore, the water exercise really helps loosen things up. And then in the yoga room, just as I think my arms couldn't possibly do another set of half-moon pose, after a quick rest, the heat has done its magic and I am able to continue on. Today's class was hot, very hot, but it felt incredible. I rested when I needed to and I didn't judge myself, I just kept repeating, "I am a beautiful person."
And when I stood there in front o that unforgiving mirror, it gave a little, it was forgiving, and I saw before me a beautiful person. And I smiled just a little.