Why am I doing this?

Posted by Melissa Baumgart

I said no to this twice this month.  Why?

 I had to get on the scale today.  I had a doctor's appointment because I need to get vaccinations to be in a clinic with pregnant women. (I start clinic tomorrow!!!!)  I stepped onto my scale this morning, because I didn't want to be caught off guard in public when I stepped onto the doctor's scale. 


My last weigh in for Weight Watchers was on 3/22, so nearly a month ago, and after paleo for three weeks.  I was kinda excited, for once, to step on the scale.  It felt strange to pull it off of the shelf where it had been sitting, dead silent for weeks.  Then the familiar steps of setting it down, making sure it wasn't sitting too close to the moulding between the floor and the wall so as not to mess up the reading, making sure the the towel wasn't hanging in my way form the rack above, sucking in my stomach (as if that helps) and slowly stepping on.

Waiting.

I lost 2 pounds since that last weigh in.  TWO POUNDS!

I don't even know what to say.  I wasn't necessarily in the paleo for weight loss.  Or was I?  Either way, I was hopeful that I had lost weight.  And I was clearly devastated by the low number I have lost. 

I wonder if it ever truly goes away?  This desire for the magic number on the scale?  Or if the time it takes to process the emotions around it just gets shorter?

I'll still do paleo, because I feel better eating this way.  And that's all that matters.  Right?