I can't go for a run!

Posted by Melissa Baumgart

Album of choice on my run.

I think it had been at least a month since I last ran, maybe longer.  The last time I ran, I had just gotten over being sick and instead of energizing me like I expect a run to do, it laid me out.  I could not get off the couch for 2 hours.  Honestly.  Then, I made up a story about how I must have adrenal fatigue, and I stopped running.

It's June.  I signed up for a 5K that is this coming weekend.  I kept telling myself that even if I didn't do anything, I could still get out there and run a 5K.  True?  Maybe.

Yesterday, on the way home from a long clinic day, I saw many people running.  At one point I was on the phone with Jamie, and I saw at least 8 people at once, all running across the same intersection near Volunteer Park.  Runners were coming at me from every which way.  Before I realized the consequence of words, these were coming out of my mouth, "Hey, when I get home, is it OK if I go for a run?"

WTF?  Really?  - Those were my next two thoughts.  And then the litany...I have SO much homework to do.  The house is a mess.  My day was shitty and I need to talk about it.  Felix is pitching.  What Jamie is sharing is really important.  I can't go for a run.  I don't actually say those words, I can't go for a run, but I live them through my actions.

But something kept clicking, no matter how hard I tried to un-click it.  The thoughts of me taking care of myself and me smiling more kept clicking together.  Going on this run was a way of taking care of myself.  Not to mention, a double-check to see if I really can still run a 5K!

When I got home, I started usual patterns of talking with my family, connecting, walking over to the computer, processing our days as a family.  All (mostly) important things.  But I AM IMPORTANT TOO.  (Sorry, I have to shout it, because I have a hard time hearing those words.)  I stopped dead in my tracks and got on my running clothes and shoes and went.

I ran a 5K.  I ran it in 31 minutes and 40 seconds.  My pace was just over 10 min/mile.  It's not under 30 minutes, but that's OK.  I didn't shy away from hills, which is really huge for me. 

The point I need to remember is that I did it.  I made a choice to take care of myself, in the midst of lots of other things being important.  I can only hope it carries me closer to my highest self, whatever that is.

If you want to support the cause (Muscular Dystrophy) I an running for this weekend, check out this link and donate!  (Leave me a comment if it doesn't work!)  Thanks!