SAHMWKIS (stay-at-home-mom-with-kids-in-school)

I started my new life as a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom. I have found that these acronyms are quite popular on-line in chat rooms or places where moms go for advice. DH - dear husband, and others are out there, seemingly just to annoy me.) Actually, I have not yet decided whether I am assuming the title of Stay-at-Home-Mom or unemployed mom.  Tallulah told our friend yesterday that I don't work anymore because I am "disabled."  Tallulah is 5.  "My mom doesn't go to work anymore, because at her job, they, um...she is, uh, disabled.  So she doesn't go there anymore, she stays home with me."

Today was day two without a new label, or cool acronym for myself...and apparently, according to my youngest daughter, disabled.  I did not make it to yoga, and was hugely disappointed about that. I really tried.  I got home from Levi's classroom and after making a long overdue call to a friend, while I packed my yoga stuff up, I had 30 seconds to decide if I could walk to the Sweatbox fast enough.  And not only that, could I also get everything else I needed to get done finished after yoga and before I had to get the kids from school? I decided no.  So, I sadly put my yoga bag down and went to the computer to finish the financial aid form for Lily's private middle school she dearly wants to go to. (We go to an interview tomorrow!)  It's funny how I could make it every singe day for 30 days, and then as soon as it was not the priority, it easily can seem impossible to make it there. Or easily seems possible to not make it there.   Very different perspectives with the same outcome.

Plus I have this new month to tackle.  And what a month it is!  Why did I pick business plan??? Researching isn't so bad, but there are aspects that I guess I knew were there...but always ignore.  And these have come up in just the first few days, I wonder what other surprises will be in store for this naive business lady?  My plan was to honestly write everything about my journey as being a total novice to starting a business.   And while I will still do that, it will look perhaps a little different than I had first thought.

I didn't know that it might not be a good idea to tell everything about the business as we blog.  I didn't think that anyone would possibly be out there scouting for ideas and steal ours.   I know I have an idealistic nature, and an aversion to the harsh business world as I think it is.  Sometimes I think it is that belief system that has kept me from my own success.  Maybe I think to be successful you have to play by "their rules" and I don't believe in their rules.  So, this will be interesting, to see how I can come to terms with that.  Do I play the game?   Do I write my own rules and assume if I follow my heart and passion it will all work out as it should?

As of now, I will heed the friend's advice and not give too many details to the business. We'll come up with some code words to disguise our master plan.  For now we have an "idea" and I found this website from the Small Business Administration to get a template and ideas for what we need to think about and get on paper.  I thought this seemed like a reputable place to start.  There are so so may websites out there for this kind of thing, and as  newbie, you just don't know who to trust.

You know, I kind of have a lot at stake here.  If this is something that takes off, the timing couldn't be better.  This month I have the time to put toward this and the motivation to make something happen.  I am tired of working for someone else and working hard to make more money to may for their life.  I am tired to not feeling inspired by my work and having that translate into lower and lower self esteem.  I am in a place in my life, since starting this blog, of growing and becoming stronger, and I am ready for that to translate into my career.

And, Happy New Moon, and Happy Year of the Rabbit!

Lily's art work, age 7

“Let there be peace -- and let it begin with me” is the Rabbit motto. The Tiger makes waves, but the Rabbit mends fences. Diplomacy reigns. If you want to improve your chances of success, negotiate and cooperate rather than force your ideas on others. It’s also a time to kiss and make up. Forgive and forget. Let’s all get along. Make love not war. If last year the emphasis was on excitement, it’s now is on harmony.  -from Astrology.com



So...negotiate and cooperate to improve my chances of success.  Looks like it goes well with my Moon in Libra.  Enough said.  Done and Done.  I am always open to listening to the signs.


and for now the signs and the clock and my eyes are saying...good night.
xoxomelissa

reflections

A whole year has passed since Dina and I started this blogging adventure together.  I can remember looking ahead to the coming year back then, with such excitement for each new thing I was going to totally immerse myself into.  My plan, as I recall, was to do whatever new thing that month brought every day of that month.  And if I couldn't make that happen, I would read about that thing or learn about it in some manner.  Some months I lived up to that expectation...I remember during "growing our own food month" I read a Michael Pollan book and watched a few movies on that state of our agriculture system here in the US and found it all to be very inspiring.  And i felt like i used my time wisely considering after I planted my seeds, there wasn't a whole lot to "do" for a bit...besides chasing away big dogs and their big fat paws from my little plant babies.  During "painting month" and "learning the Beyonce dance month" I found a way to do those things most days, and found it even easier to feel guilty about not doing them on the days I didn't make them a priority.

"Sewing ourselves a dress month" nearly brought me to a murderous state...what with all the tension and agro-ness toward sewing, and the big scissors in my hands.  I totally hate sewing, as I do most crafty endeavours; and I knew that going into it and often found myself with fabric and thin pattern paper everywhere wondering...why in the fuck did I pick this?  But I have to say, I am so proud to have finished that mini dress.  Every time I wear it I find a way to let someone know...."I made this!"  Would I do it again?  Maybe.  And yes, I am a bit crazy.  Then there was "writing month", remember that?  Of course not!  I didn't write a goddamn thing.  That was a shocker, I thought I loved writing.  I even, at one point in college, thought it could be one of my hidden talents.  Turns out, the blank piece of paper won again.  Almost.  I did finish that readers write submission!  The other total flop of the list had to be "salsa dancing month."  It started out fine, going dancing for Jamie's birthday....and then never again.  Sometimes life and the priorities it sets right in front of you take center stage, not the dance floor.

By far, clearly, my favorite was "yoga month."  I had no idea it would sweep me off my feet the way it did.  and even more of a shocker was that it would be Bikram Yoga that I fell for.  I gave everything I had to that practice and I am sure you know, dedicated another whole month to this moving meditation...completing a 30 day challenge.  Other months that I liked included drumming, the vegan diet, and the make-up-your-own-month where I did a simplifying of my stuff, a major purging.

I am so, so grateful that I took on this year of trying new things.  I learned so much about myself and life and people.  I gained a self confidence I never had before.  I have a stronger foundation from which I can stand and greet the world in a new and more diverse way.  And I am looking forward to a year of new activities, new lessons, new challenges, and new triumphs.  I wonder if I am still looking for a passion?  Or am I finding a way to stay youthful and maintain some sort of mental flexibility, and physical too in some cases.  I love that this helps me be open to trying new things...those of my own imagination and dreams and those of someone else's.  You never know what someone else is going to put on that list.

Amy and I revealed our new lists last night at a dinner to celebrate finishing the 30 days of yoga (which was much harder and less euphoric than I had created it to be in my mind all month.)  I think both of us would have rather been soaking in a hot bath tub or snuggled in a warm blanket on our couches, but in the end we had a great time.  It was so fun to pick each folded piece of paper and unfold it not knowing what was written inside, and then share our thoughts and ideas and research we had done for each topic.
So....we will reveal the list tomorrow, with a new look and feel to the blog.

xoxomelissa


PS...and now, I leave you with my submission to the Sun magazine:

Readers Write Submission

Paying Attention

For the past month I have been practicing yoga every day.  Every day I spend 90 minutes in a room heated to 105 degrees, working my body into 26 different postures and sweating.  When I set out on this challenge, I assumed that the physical aspect would give me the most trouble.  And while it has at times, what I am discovering is that the mental component can prove to be much more of a struggle…but with exponential benefits.

The unspoken question arises moment-to-moment….what am I going to pay attention to?  Am I going to mentally jump ahead and worry about what postures are coming next, and what postures I can weasel my way out of without too much self-deprecation to follow?  Am I going to pay attention to my trembling muscles moving and holding the poses, the teacher’s calm voice guiding me through each posture?  Or am I going to be in each moment, totally present, only paying attention to my breath coming in and my breath going out? 

The times where I am paying attention to my breath and not the mental chatter are fleeting, but blissful.  I get to that place by being a beginner again, and not anticipating, not reviewing…just following instructions.  It seems to me that being in that state is a sort of “not paying attention” to anything.  Those few moments when the mind is clear are elusive and beautiful, and can disappear as soon as you start paying attention to them. 

We can spend all the minutes of our day paying attention to the details of life…getting the dishes clean, making sure all the bills are paid, folding the laundry, feeding the kids, answering the phone, the list goes one and on.  I feel unending gratitude for those brief moments where my mind is free to not pay attention to anything, to just be and not attach to any thoughts, watching them float by like clouds on the sky.

The Sum of All Things

Hi there,

Yesterday marked the finale of the 30 day Bikram Yoga challenge with Melissa--and some other endings and beginnings that Melissa shared over here. I can't wait to read her Readers Write submission to The Sun magazine. Congratulations Melissa, on a year well spent, and thanks again for bringing me on for the 2011 adventure. Also super thanks to all the encouragement from everyone and Jaime and Bob for the rides to and from class during those super cold and wet days.

Meditation Month


I'm on the right.

As readers who follow this blog may recall January was meditation month, and as you can easily tell it was really more about the yoga for me. Does that make it a moving meditation? I really tried, and while I intend to finish my reading materials I just couldn't sink my teeth into it the way I thought I could. Part of the challenge was balancing everything else that's going on in my life. Meditation kept looking like an escape hatch or a total disconnect from everything I was supposed to be doing. Which probably is an indicator that I need to practice it more. Or maybe not. In any case, why does something like meditation--or even yoga for that matter--seem like a luxury?

 

I can say that with the theme of this month as meditation, complemented by the yoga practice, I have experienced and increased sense of focus and intention in every day behaviors. I immediately feel more focused in a period of time and more giving of myself to the task at hand--whether that be washing dishes, folding laundry, writing a blog post, doing my day-job work. I've just been more...here.


30 Day Yoga Challenge  



What the sign says.

This past weekend took me to Portland for a birthday party so I had to find a Bikram-certified yoga studio to complete days 28 and 29. I found Bikram Portland on Alberta Street. Practicing away from home in new surroundings was at first scary but a great experience that in a way brought me back to the very beginning of my 30 days--just listening and adjusting to a new environment. I don't know that I could have had any better classes. Of course day 30 I spent most of the time lolling about on the floor in Savasana wishing I could leave much like my very first class. It's funny how when you build up a climax in your mind and then you get there and it happens to be just like any other day.  

I've been asked by a few people what I think of this practice and if I've received any noticeable benefits. So here's a quick (very quick) summary of what's happened to me:

10 body improvements from 30-day Bikram yoga challenge:

1. Slimmer waistline, calves, quads; overall improved definition in the legs and arms
2. Ability to stand and touch my toes (something I haven't done in over 15 years)
3. Ability to sit and extend my legs, lock my knees lift my heels off the ground while touching my toes
4. Deeper breathing when outside of class; improved ability to stay relaxed during stressful situations
5. Increased stamina for standing on one leg while engaging the quadriceps
6. More conscious engagement of my abs outside of class, especially when bending over
7. Greater water intake has led to increased alertness and mental agility while outside of class
8. Smoother skin
9. Overall more moderated appetite
10. Deeper sleep

Namaste January.
-Amy