Sunday, July 4, 2010

independence day

so i have never been much on patriotism.  it could be my all or nothing attitude, but somehow knowing the history of how we took the land from the native americans and how we enslaved just has always been difficult to fully embrace a joy for the US of A.  like, oh yea! we are free and independent! control someone else.  that is so twisted.  and human.  so, maybe i start there...seeing our history for its humanity.  and knowing that humanity isn't always pretty.  still, just not feeling it.  but i do think fireworks are pretty.  and i like having parties and seeing friends and family, so I celebrate.

but we could take this day and think what have we become independent from in this past year?  for me, it has been some of my negative self talk, 33 extra pounds, and a resistance to love.  2010 has been a rocking year so far.  and i am so excited for the rest of it to unroll.  how bout you?

and writing.  can you believe i totally forgot the morning pages yesterday?  just never even a though in my mind.  i went to yoga at 10am with jamie and i was so excited to go, that i didn't think about the writing.  and then there is was in pavanamuktasana with my left knee pulling up towards my left shoulder and i remembered the morning pages.  shit.  i think i said it out loud.  and then after yoga i had to rush to work and worked til late writing yesterday.  but i did wake up and get straight to it today.    it feels good.  to write pen to paper.  old school.  i get a little impatient at times, but that it good practice.

and what to write about?  i keep being drawn to learning about the menstrual cycle.  i just never seem to be able to remember all the hormone changes and patterns and pathways of hormones and how they feedback with each other and what effects that may have when things are out of whack for a woman's cycle.  and i want what i write about to tie into this new (ok, so it isn't new, it is like the hundredth time i am saying this) revival into birth work.  it is all related.  if i ever do become a midwife.  and that is a big if.  well, let's just say seems that whatever i do is related to health and herbs and women.  so learning about the cycle is going to be so helpful.  and whether i write a book for young girls about what to expect and what to know about their bodies or i end up assisting women at their births...or both.  this is a good step along the way.  i also think the point is to just do what i am drawn to and not question it so much and not to think i have to know where it is leading me.  be here.  now.  write the article.  teach a class in the fall.   attend some births in the fall.  and not get any further ahead of myself than that.  keep myself on a 3 month leash.  perfect.

enjoy your day...

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