What? Where? How?

posted by Melissa Baumgart

Maybe I should stick with a swing.

What have I got myself into?
November is here.  Already.  When I settled on the idea of doing trapeze for one of our months, Amy and I had just finished our first 30 Day Challenge of Bikram yoga.  I was feeling strong, capable and perhaps a bit daring.  It seems it is easier to feel daring when something is far into the future.


Flash forward 10 months, and here I sit, staring at the flying trapeze right in my face.  Like I mentioned before, I am a number of pounds heavier a lot less daring, and certainly not nearly as strong physically.  I did start back to yoga last week and went 6 out of 7 days.  I plan on doing that again this week.  I think it will help, but I still feel very hesitant about trapeze.  So much so that I couldn't even bring myself to do our signature photo shoot this month.  What would I wear?  Where would we shoot?  I was uninspired.  


How am I going to be able to lift myself with my own arm strength up an aerial silk?  Also add in my fear of heights, and how in the world will I be able to jump off that flying trapeze platform.  Shit.  What have I got myself into?  Oh, and by the way, our first class is this Saturday!


Where am I going?
Then there is the rest of my life.  Ever since I got kicked out of school, I have felt a bit stuck.  I rushed into the decision to go to school, because that is the way it was presented to me.  I had about 2 minutes to decide whether I was going to school or not.  I jumped in, and gave it everything.  But now that there is this lull, this pause for some reflection, I feel lost.  


Do I really want to be a nurse?  Was I in it for the money?  Would I rather open a little cafe since I love to cook?  Would I rather dedicate myself more to the blog and see how this could grow?  Would I rather join the OWS political movement and give my time and effort there?  Or should I help Jamie get his business growing by helping with office/paperwork/advertising?


And why isn't it clear?  Does anyone out there know for certain that they are fulfilling their life's destiny?  I just want to feel satisfied with my work, like I am helping humanity in some way, make enough money to have a simple and easy life, and have enough me time for things like yoga.  


How will it look?
When I am standing up there on the flying trapeze platform, scared shitless to jump, will I feel so alive that everything becomes clear?  I can only hope so, because otherwise, I don't know if I'll be able to convince myself to get up there.


-Melissa

One-Liners, not One-Miles

posted by Melissa Baumgart
Well, would you look at that!  It's a quote taken from a silly you tube video, that I didn't even like at first.  In fact, I never watched it again.  But what I have done is repeat that phrase time and time again for comedic effect in my own life.  I have lots of things I share with those around me that we get from pop culture (or even real life culture), little one-liners that make us laugh til we snort.

9+hrs & $8.52/jar: You what that is?  That's Bullshit!

Here are some others you might be able to place:

"Rude!"
"What's up with that?"
"You know what that is?  That's Bullshit!"
"Girl, yes I did."
"Nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all."
"Calmer than you."


So, have a distracted you enough to perhaps think this month isn't about running?  Did you forget you came here to see how the running was going?  Seems like I have.  After we went running in the dark this past Saturday night, I haven't run at all.  I know, What's up with that?

I did start back to yoga though.  I feel like how when I was a kid and I would recite whole portions of a funny show, like the Simpsons, and now I am reduced to simple one-liners that other people might not even get.  In class, I can barely stand there the whole time, and I feel accomplished just by getting through pranayama breathing.  I think the people in class are glancing over to my mat thinking, "Wow, look at the new chubby girl, poor thing doesn't know what hit her."  Rude!  In the past I could go through the entire series day after day.

And that's how it goes.  Sometimes, we pick a winner.  It is inspiring and motivating, and maybe we even love it so much that we fall down in joyful exhaustion from it all (Urban Homesteading anyone?)
And sometimes we pick a dud.

You never know which choice is going to be a winner or a dud.  I sure wasn't looking forward to Memorizing a Classic Poem, when Amy picked that one.  But I loved it.  I totally got into poetry and memorizing.  And I thought I would love running every day, a small, but attainable goal.  Forget about it.  How is it that twice I have done a 30-day Challenge with Bikram yoga (1 hour and 30 minute class every day) and yet, I couldn't squeeze in 15 minutes a day.  As much as I preached we all could back at the beginning of the month!  

Just look at that!  Life brings so many possibilities and opportunities; we make of them what we will.  Therein lies the choice: do you choose to feel guilty about what you made of it, or do you move on peacefully, with a little more insight into yourself and humanity.  I do feel good about what I spent my energy working on for the past week or so.  I say focus on the positive, look at what you have done and say to the world, "Girl, yes I did!"

So, next time you feel like you've been doing nothing at all, choose your perspective wisely.  Look at what you have done.  Even if it is simply resting, cultivating your inner self, wading through your own darkness.  Even if it is going for it, head-on, with reckless abandon through light and inspiration.

Are there no true duds?  Is there always a silver lining?  Are we always in control of our perspective?  Sometimes that doesn't even seem possible.

As maddening as it all seems sometimes, I believe we can always look to someone else choosing to be in some crazy state of mind and say... "Calmer than you, dude."  And walk away.

-Melissa

Me and Nadia Comaneci

Posted by Amy Baranski

Doodle by Amy Baranski.

Ever since I was 12 I've dreamt of becoming an Olympic athlete. During my last 30 day Bikram yoga challenge, amid the growing chaos of my unchored home and the mounting haystack of emails, voice mails, and text messages, I became Nadia Comaneci.

The precise moment I stepped into the heated and muggy studio everything in my real life melted away. The saga of my perfect ten played out during the 90 minute class. At times you could hear a pin drop in the gymnasium. The crowed held its breath as I took the floor.

I vaulted, tumbled, balanced the beam, and whipped my body around the uneven bars. But, mostly I practiced, tucked away in a small warm gym somewhere in the Romanian countryside. Everyone else in the studio was training too. The difference was that I was Nadia Comaneci, and everything I did was for the Olympics.

What are your sentiments?

posted by Melissa


This week I have had two momentous points of finishing something I set out to accomplish.  And after tomorrow it will be three things, although the third is not quite as satisfying.

On Monday night, I finished All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy.  I have been working on this book since the late Autumn.  And here it is Spring.  Reading books is something I wish I did more of, like eating fish or having patience with my kids.  I find it extremely hard to find books that capture my attention enough for me to get past the first few pages.  Short attention span maybe?  Or refined literary taste?  Sadly, I think I know the answer.

*            *          *

Today, I finished my 30 day challenge of Bikram yoga at the SweatBox here in Capitol Hill.  Amy and I went to the morning class, and my friend Kristy came along.  Our teacher, Laura, made the class special in so many ways (she often does).  Today she read an inspiring poem at the beginning of class and another at the end.  I swallowed back the urge to cry during the poem she read as we all rested in our final savasana.  The feeling of gratitude for being able to show up everyday, the depth of her appreciation for our dedication to ourselves and the words of the poem all came together and hit me right in the center of my chest.

The Good People

The Good People everywhere

will teach anyone who wants to know

how to fix all things breaking and broken in this world –

including hearts and dreams –

and along the way we will learn such things as

why we are here

and what we are supposed to be doing

with our hands and minds and souls and our time.

That way, we can hope to find out why

we were given a human heart,

and that way, we can hope to know

the hearts of other human beings

and the heart of the world.

Danny Siegel

*         *          *

And tomorrow I will finish tai chi month.  Wishing I had done more.  But being OK with simply learning about the ancient practice, opening my horizons to kung-fu movies, and incorporating 5 minutes of walking meditation into my daily life.

I think it is through the yoga that I learn to expand my attention span so I could reach my goal of finishing the novel.  It is also through practicing simple things like slow walking or walking meditation for just 5 minutes a day, even if it is in the midst of children yelling and pushing to get to the bathroom.  Leads me to wonder what other books might I now be able to finish?  What other uncomfortable situations might I be able to bear without letting it shake my foundation?  

In All the Pretty Horses McCarthy writes, "In the end we all come to be cured of our sentiments.  Those whom life does not cure death will.  The world is quite ruthless in selecting between the dream and the reality, even where we will not.  Between the wish and the thing the world lies waiting."

The word sentiment can be defined as: A view of or attitude toward a situation or event; an opinion.

Yoga cures me of my sentiments.  

in gratitude,

Melissa

  

Bones to Skin Mega Constellation

Posted by Amy Baranski
The past few weeks have proven particularly challenging. A gradual and persistent cold stealthily unloaded all its home furnishings from a microscopic U-haul truck and redecorated my sinuses. I'm all for new neighbors but this one keeps me up at night and in the early morning. Banging on the walls to tell them to turn down their raging party has had little to no effect. In return, there were several days that I thought about throwing in the towel on the March 30 day yoga challenge.

Doodle by Amy Baranski.

It was just in January that I completed a 30 day challenge with Melissa. And in February I think I put in a good solid 20 days. So I deserve a break and besides maybe my body was telling me to slow the fuck down. And so on day 22 I moped about pretty much deciding to call it off. I mentioned the decision to Melissa who simply replied: you are? About an hour later I was packing up my yoga stuff and heading out to the Sweatbox.

What happened was a series of visualizations and one realization.

Visualization #1: Day 30 - there's palpable excitement in the air. The teacher congratulates everyone who completed the 30 day challenge. There may be "goodies" in the studio. People clap and smile. I'm lying on my stomach in Savasana feeling like I don't deserve a pat on the back for participating. A single tear drops from the corner of my eye.

Visualization #2: Day 30 - after class I go to the big chart on the wall where we track our progress by awarding ourselves stars for each day we've completed. I look at the chart and the overwhelming number of stars it contains. I see a black-hole in this bones to skin mega-constellation. The black-hole sucks me into its disappointing depths. I try to cough up the hard and painful golf ball in my throat.

Visualization #3: Day 30 - I run into Melissa who's completed the 30 day challenge. She's ready to go out and celebrate. We go to Big Mario's for a slice and a pint. We toast. She says congratulations. I smirk and say I don't deserve it. I sit hunched over in the booth eating my pizza unsatisfied.

Ultimately finding little to no merit in this daydreams I decided they were unwarranted, uneeded, and competitive thoughts. I decided not to go to yoga and perpetuate some kind of competitive mind-fuck I was (now conciously) putting myself through. This felt like a real grown up decision, rational and self-loving.

After more consideration I thought, if I'm not doing the 30 day challenge "to win" then why did I really start it in the first place? I realized that for me, the purpose of the 30 day challenge has been about establishing a dedicated practice of yoga. Going 30 days in a row teaches my mind and my body to make room and space for yoga, no matter how late my neighbors keep me up at night. It forces me to not give up on this, like I have on so many other physical pursuits. It teaches my muscles to move every day and never let go of loving my body and my health. So I gathered my mat, towel, and water bottle and went. And I keep going and I will keep going and going.

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

posted by Melissa

(and why do so many of my blog titles involved bad 80's songs?)

Hello again, blogosphere world.  Yes, we are still here.  I think the lack of posts from this week goes to show the human-ness of us two blogging ladies.  Sure, sure I know there are bloggers out there with 12 kids and a job and they run a soup kitchen and sew all their kids clothes, all while milking their own goats and making homemade cheese and ice cream (i know, gross)...and they still find time to blog.  

But really, truly, that is not us.  While we may be super women in our own ways, we don't even have goats.  I doubt we could at our apartment building.  We are, however, striving for balance in life.  This blog is giving us an outlet for creativity and learning new things...but it was never intended to be something that felt like a chore, or exhausted us.  It is to fill us up.  I hope that our faithful readers (love you all!) can understand and find some inspiration in that human-ness that we sometimes show when we are absent for a few days.

Tai chi @ the Greenwood Senior Center

Which reminds me of yoga.  What doesn't remind me of yoga?  

The other night as we were about to fall asleep in bed, Jamie and I were talking about yoga.  

I literally said, "It's like all of life happens right there on your mat."  

Jamie said, "Yoga Nerd!"

But I meant it.  All the mental trials and tribulations of life, all the joys and triumphs, the pain and suffering, the bliss...it is all happening right there on everyone's mat.  Silently.  I am so inspired by it.  

Yoga offers me a place to live past what I thought my potential was.  I can try everyday to move further into a pose, and yet I have to learn how to know myself and my body enough to know when it is time to rest and not move further.  When to give myself a mental slap in the face to stop my stupid whining, and when to let the whining wash over me and let go of it and take a savasana.  It is like that with the blog.  We do want the experience of moving into situations that may be uncomfortable, like meeting new people at a tai chi class, working through writer's block, waking up early to go to do something "for the blog" when your bed is sooo cozy and warm...to find that you learn something life changing or meet someone that says something forever meaningful.   

But we also need to learn when life has become too busy and it is time to slow down.  

And being ok with it, still loving yourself through those feelings of being a total loser.

That can be harder than pushing yourself sometimes.  

So, this morning, I got up and went to another tai chi class.  

Day 10 of 30 Day Yoga

Posted by Amy Baranski

UPDATE: Class on Day 10 started out really marvelous until the entire left side of my body cramped up including what felt like an oncoming Charlie Horse in my left calf. I Savasana-ed it up after that and teetered out (almost didn't even attempt the floor series) until my teacher for whatever reason gave me a very compassionate pat on the back. Was it to say you're okay? Or, I understand? Or, you can do it? I don't know but it was the nicest thing that anyone has done for me in awhile. Such a simple, compassionate gesture. It helped me do the next pose which was Cobra. Such a wonderful moment in my practice.

As mentioned previously, there's a 30 day yoga challenge happening at The Sweatbox, my favorite little sweat-filled nook of Capitol Hill (although the Hot House is pretty awesome). Around days 7 and 8 I started noticing some pain in my spine. It feels like a short metal rod is stuck in the midsection. I only feel it when I back bend and forward bend.

Standing Deep Breathing. It's harder than it looks!

It's made a lot of the intense spine work scarier. I've been trying to work through it but started backing off a little (okay a lot). I'm not sure if it's because I'm working on building the support muscles for the spine--my core strength does not feel very strong--or if I've compressed my spine too much. Maybe it's just how it's supposed to feel (which Jamie says probably not). I really hope I'm not doing something wrong.

Jaime and Melissa loaned me their Bikram's Beginning Yoga Class book with photographs of the poses. I've been referencing this since I first started practicing Bikram at the beginning of January. So it's back to the book to read again and try to adjust my entrance into these poses. Pada-Hastasana (Hands to Feed Pose) was super intense on my spine yesterday, at least the first set was. So was Sasangasana, which, WOW, has been opening up my spine in ways I did not know were possible. But, I'm still having a lot of pain/sensation especially the more I suck in my stomach and round my spine. In this pose, though, it kind of "feels good."

Laura, one of my teachers was commenting that during the 30-day challenge this is around the time that students might start feeling tightness in their spine or other areas. I'm also experiencing some serious knots in my left shoulder--which has long been my physical stress vault.

Perhaps related to all this is that I've been having a really difficult time with Pranayama, the Standing Deep Breathing sets we do at the beginning of class. I notice that when I have a difficult time maintaining my mental focus during these sets as well as my physical focus the class can be very inconsistent for me. I've been actually gasping for air, swaying, not maintaining locked knees/hips, my shoulders are getting really tired. I'm just all over the place during Pranayama.

I'm such a beginner, and I kind of like that. I don't feel overwhelmed by the rate of progress I've been making. It just all feels really good. Really, after 2 and half months of practice I feel like I haven't even begun to enter the postures, I'm still working on establishing a good/correct set up. So that's where I'm at on Day 10. I'll update this post later tonight and let you know how class was.

Under the Heat Lamp

Beginning of Half-Moon (feet should be together).

First off, it's not a heat lamp. But that's okay. It's the phrase that's been going through my head. Last night it was "under the ceiling fan" and I had this whole moment connected to my childhood that I was going to share with the world here. But I'm not going to do that because I've started, interrupted, and restarted this blog post a million times. And Under the Heat Lamp isn't applicable to what I want to talk about anymore, but I'm forcing myself not to change the title of this post--or erase those first few sentences--because if I do I'll probably just hit "Save as Draft" at the end instead of "Publish" like I'm supposed to in order to stay on track with publishing at least one lengthy post a week. I think people really undervalue the value of the run-on sentence.

Okay, so let's get organized. I want to talk about: business plan month, yoga and other random things that have not articulated themselves yet in my streamofonlineconciousness.

Business Plan

Melissa and I met and talked it out. We laid some honest shit on the table, which Melissa informed me was one of the key steps to creating a business plan that was discussed at the business seminar. It makes sense, and I was relieved, surprised, and affirmed at our ability to be honest about:

• What we want to do
• What we don't want to do
• What we have the ability to do

And wouldn't you know the answer just presented its sweet little self to us, really without much "inventing" effort. So no we're not going to start a food-delivery business. We're going to focus on doing what we are already doing and see what turns up. So let's get down to business and celebrate with some cocktails.

Yoga and other random things with no paragraph breaks

I did not go to yoga on Tuesday and I did not go to yoga last night and I may not go to yoga today. On Tuesday I chilled the fuck out. Last night, I ate at Burgermaster. And today we'll just see how this MO-FO goes. I've been cranky and I don't care. Shit has been falling down in my life outside of yoga, my A-game has turned into a C-game. I have a lot of stuff going on, which yeah I talked about in my last post, but I also need time to be alone and think and chill and read and that hasn't been happening. So balance has been lost. It's probably why I suck balls at Balancing Stick. I just don't understand myself in that pose. Every time everyone else seems to struggle in it, stick in it, even if their form is totally jacked, but I'm always coming out early, standing at the back of my mat looking at all the non-giver-uppers wondering to myself: am I just a quitter? How is it I can stay balanced longer in Standing Head to Knee but Balancing Stick is like being on a god damned balancing beam: my knee buckling and my brain completely disassociated with my body. Last weekend my friend Daemond showed up at class. That made practice really fun. Hi Daemond! (if you're reading). I hope I run into him again at the studio. I'm really thinking about doing another 30 day challenge in March but I kinda wanted to do some weekend trips that month, so I'm torn. I'll let you know what I decide. Maybe you (if there ARE any of you (still) reading this) would want to join us for a 30-day challenge? Think it over. It's practically how I started this practice and it builds a great foundation for yourself. There's a lot to explore in 26 poses and 2 breathing exercises. You might surprise yourself. Beside you can say to yourself: I did 30-days straight of hot yoga. And with that I'm just going to hit Publish Post. See you next time.

Always, Amy.

yoga update

To let the curious know - we have continued on with Bikram yoga! We are doing 5-6 days out of the week, more like 6. March 1 will mark the beginning of the Sweatbox's 30-Day Challenge (ours in January was self-imposed). From their website:

"The 30-Day Challenge is Almost Here!

It's that time again of the year again - time for the 30-Day Challenge! We begin March 1st.

Let's remember all of the reasons why we practice: we feel clearer and happier; our bodies are healthier and more efficient; we behave more kindly to our family and friends; we are better parents. The 30-Day challenge is the single best opportunity to get yourself back into a dedicated practice regimen.

Try the challenge. Do your best to do it. Put yourself first for 30 days of your life. Once you do, you'll be hooked.

Sign up people! You won't regret it."

Developing a Bikram practice has helped me gain strength and stamina--it might do the same for you!

xoxo
GoodLuckWithThat!

The Sum of All Things

Hi there,

Yesterday marked the finale of the 30 day Bikram Yoga challenge with Melissa--and some other endings and beginnings that Melissa shared over here. I can't wait to read her Readers Write submission to The Sun magazine. Congratulations Melissa, on a year well spent, and thanks again for bringing me on for the 2011 adventure. Also super thanks to all the encouragement from everyone and Jaime and Bob for the rides to and from class during those super cold and wet days.

Meditation Month


I'm on the right.

As readers who follow this blog may recall January was meditation month, and as you can easily tell it was really more about the yoga for me. Does that make it a moving meditation? I really tried, and while I intend to finish my reading materials I just couldn't sink my teeth into it the way I thought I could. Part of the challenge was balancing everything else that's going on in my life. Meditation kept looking like an escape hatch or a total disconnect from everything I was supposed to be doing. Which probably is an indicator that I need to practice it more. Or maybe not. In any case, why does something like meditation--or even yoga for that matter--seem like a luxury?

 

I can say that with the theme of this month as meditation, complemented by the yoga practice, I have experienced and increased sense of focus and intention in every day behaviors. I immediately feel more focused in a period of time and more giving of myself to the task at hand--whether that be washing dishes, folding laundry, writing a blog post, doing my day-job work. I've just been more...here.


30 Day Yoga Challenge  



What the sign says.

This past weekend took me to Portland for a birthday party so I had to find a Bikram-certified yoga studio to complete days 28 and 29. I found Bikram Portland on Alberta Street. Practicing away from home in new surroundings was at first scary but a great experience that in a way brought me back to the very beginning of my 30 days--just listening and adjusting to a new environment. I don't know that I could have had any better classes. Of course day 30 I spent most of the time lolling about on the floor in Savasana wishing I could leave much like my very first class. It's funny how when you build up a climax in your mind and then you get there and it happens to be just like any other day.  

I've been asked by a few people what I think of this practice and if I've received any noticeable benefits. So here's a quick (very quick) summary of what's happened to me:

10 body improvements from 30-day Bikram yoga challenge:

1. Slimmer waistline, calves, quads; overall improved definition in the legs and arms
2. Ability to stand and touch my toes (something I haven't done in over 15 years)
3. Ability to sit and extend my legs, lock my knees lift my heels off the ground while touching my toes
4. Deeper breathing when outside of class; improved ability to stay relaxed during stressful situations
5. Increased stamina for standing on one leg while engaging the quadriceps
6. More conscious engagement of my abs outside of class, especially when bending over
7. Greater water intake has led to increased alertness and mental agility while outside of class
8. Smoother skin
9. Overall more moderated appetite
10. Deeper sleep

Namaste January.
-Amy

Greetings from Portland!



I made it to the Bikram Portland studio on Alberta for a 7:30am class with Brandy.

Thank you Brandy for reminding me that: "If you can, you must."

Congratulations to my yoga compadre Melissa for 28 days!

As Always, Amy

 

Day 27

(A belated post due to lack of Internet service)

Today (January 28th) is day 27 of the 30 day yoga challenge. I am new to Bikram yoga, prior to this 30 day challenge I had two classes at the Sweatbox. The first class was with Gary and I spent the majority of the time believing that the lights he kept turning on and up were heat lamps. I really thought that in my mind and heart. Melissa let me know later that the heat actually came from a heat blower and not the lights. I felt like food under a heat lamp.

I wanted to leave so badly, and thought the session would never end. I had not had nearly enough water that my body required (which I've since learned is close to a gallon). I also came smeared in lotion which melted all over my limbs which was gross and funny - and if you've ever done hot yoga with lotion on you know what I'm talking about.

Then came the holidays which were just fantastically filled with elastic waistlines and my favorite billowy  Ikat-print knit shirt.

And now here we are 27 days later with so many changes. This weekend I am heading to Portland. I've already scouted out the Portland Bikram-certified studio that I will practice at. I've called in advance to ensure their classes are happening, and I've printed out my registration form. Days 28 and 29 will be spent at a different studio, which should be interesting. I will make sure to file a report. Bikram Yoga is akin to the Latin-style Mass, Pre-Vatican II--not matter where you go it's always in the same script and follows the same form.

*
PDX here I come!

As always,
Amy

good student/bad student

i went from doing every pose, keeping good form...well, as best as I can at this point in my practice and feeling strong and aligned with my new mantra..."I am a good student."  I fell asleep that night with that sentence swirling in my head, ever empty moment between what i had to do the next day and thoughts about what I might have on my new list for the blog...like the mortar between my busy thoughts was "I am a good student."  Something about that statement is so satisfying to me, so simple, so comforting.  All you have to do is follow instructions well and it is true.

i woke up the next day and my body ached.  I was exhausted.  I didn't do every pose, not even close.  and what's worse, I didn't care.  I didn't care if i was a good student.  what?  it's true, i just laid there in pure bliss to be resting in a hot room melting into the floor.  The only annoyance was the teacher's voice coaching the other students to go deeper, push harder into each pose.  it seemed so loud and intrusive.  i was certainly not following instructions...not well, not at all.

That night, I came home and i went straight to bed.  still achy.  still bitter.  but happy to feel my body on my bed.  during the night, my body released sweat like I was still on my mat in the 105 degree yoga studio.  I awoke in the middle of the night with my whole shirt drenched, my blankets wet from contact with me.  I was too tired to care.  I didn't get up and change, I just drifted off back to my damp sleep.  In the morning I felt achy again and so slow.  I thought maybe I was getting sick.  Could I make it to yoga?  I walked home from my kid's school where I spent the morning volunteering, which got my mind off of myself and gave me the glimpse of hope that I could get through the day.  I was so sad too...on the verge of tears, constantly and for no reason.  I went to yoga at noon, just because of the 30 day challenge, not because I wanted to.  I was prepared to greet myself however I showed up that day...good student or bad.  I was too tired and too sad to care.

It was one of the hottest classes I have had in a while.  When the poses came where we had to stand on the red carpet, the carpet was hot beneath the soles of my feet.  When I laid my body down into savasana to rest, my mat and towel were hot to the touch.  I did rest more than usual that day, but you know what?  so did some of my teachers that were practicing that day.  what a comfort.  we all need to rest sometimes...maybe there are no bad students.  (ok, I still have a hard time with that, cause sometimes people talk during class and that just is NOT cool.)  You just never know where people are, or where you may be mentally and physically every day you step onto your yoga mat.

I chatted with one of my teachers after class that day and he asked me how many days I had left of the challenge.  I shared my experience with feeling like I was getting sick and sweating in my sleep and he said it was because my metabolism was increasing and that I should eat a lot of food.  super!  I LOVE food.  If you have been reading for a while, you may remember my revelation about being the person that loves food the most on earth.  yeah.  I ate a ton of food last night.  I don't know if a burger and fries were what he had in mind...but they were soooo good.  I love the burgers and fries at Smith.

so, being the good student that i am, i heeded my sage teacher's advice.  I ate the whole god-damn thing.  and you know what?  I feel so much better today.  My body is still a little sore.  but I went to class this morning (day 27!!!) and it was just a regular ole class.  not good, not bad.

where do these labels we give to ourselves, to our practice, to our relationships, to our jobs...where do they get us?  Do we really need things to fit into labels; good and bad.  Will meditation help to lessen the burden of these small words.  Is it possible to raise my children in a climate that doesn't reinforce the culture of good and bad that I feel I was raised in?  what life experiences push us into longing to be the good student, or giving up and reveling in the bad student role?  How do we get to be truly just as we are.

with curiosity,
melissa

Day 10, So What.

Yesterday marked day 10 of my 30-day Bikram yoga challenge. The room swelled with heat. It felt hot like it had never been hotter before, and I knew this practice would push me deeper into each pose. I felt vital—uncompromised. I scored a position in the back, a new perspective from my usual spot (second row East side of the room). Compassion filled my my heart and pumped through my blood. When class began I filled my lungs past 6 seconds. Their capacity was the largest in Seattle. I inhaled every bit of oxygen in the room. My mind expanded into its own universe. Everything melted away, my elbows extended to the sky. The ceiling disappeared. They stretched so high into the atmosphere they weren’t elbows anymore. They were Everests. I exhaled and hung my head all the way back until I could see my own dry heels—mere foothills of my true height. I deeply exhaled exaggerating my mouth and pushing in my stomach to release the stale air burrowed in my chest. I was me. I wasn’t me. The neutral expression on my face slowly revealed the upturned corners of my mouth into a faint smile of joy!

At least that’s how I imagined it until some yogini-girl readjusted her mat, completely blocking my view.