I have spent several hours in the past few days faced with vocal demons that swelled and spewed silently from my past incarnations and landed right in the front of my personal inner dialogue.
They just showed up, unannounced. Uninvited. And ruthless.
Especially since I was riding this wave for a while now where I thought I had left them behind. Like I learned to surf and they were buried in the sand on shore, every wave I would ride in, the more sand that would cover them up. And surfing feels soooo good. I guess I assumed they had decomposed by now, back to the earth, the cycle of life.
Nope. Not a chance.
There I was sitting slumped over on my kitchen chair, the one that makes black scrape marks all over the wall it sits in front of. It is so annoying, and yet I do nothing about it, I probably never will. It's one of those things like a curtain rod that you finally get up, but it is a little crooked and you think...I'll fix that one day, probably next week when I have more time. Geez, I mean, at least I got it up there today. And then it just become what is. And we live with crooked curtain rods. At least I do.
Hunched over and staring into the pink hued space of my kitchen, I muttered that I wanted a break. I don't mean to sound melodramatic, I do assume that all of you have these...oh what does that whiny, rich white lady call them form that book where she travels the world because she's sad...oh yeah, "bathroom floor moments". Or in my case, "crappy, scraped-up kitchen wall moments". Only I can't just get up and fly off to some country that starts with the first letter I think of. (I really should give that book another chance.)
A break. I thought about how I pretty much have been having a break this month, at lest with the blog, not posting as much as I would like. But the break I longed for wasn't like that. It wasn't like deciding you are going to take the day off and get back to everything tomorrow. My break would be like taking a week off and coming home to find that someone straightened the curtain rods, patched up the kitchen wall and repainted it, cleaned the house, did the laundry, made a dentist appointment for you and your kids and maybe even posted a super funny witty blog post