Coming Clean

Mural on 11th, between Pike and Pine.

Posted by Melissa Baumgart

In an earnest attempt at parenting more effectively, I have been listening to my husband quoting his latest read, "Summerhill School, A New View of Childhood" by A.S. Neill.  One quote that hit me was along the lines of, if you leave a child to their own devices, even the most obnoxious child will be pleasant and cooperatively functioning within 3 months.  I decided to not only listen, but place into action some new techniques.  

One day, Jamie walked up to me in the hallway, and looking perplexed he offered me some of his own personal insights from the book.  "Because we have bought into the structures of society, because we have an ideal that we want to live up to, we often put those belief systems first, instead of the emotional well-being of our own children.  We place more importance on the dogmas of society than other human beings."  

Lily, with mural by NKO and
Joe “Scratchmaster Joe” Martinez

My daughters' room has been ridiculously messy.  For quite some time, I had fought day in and day out about them cleaning it, likely belittling and demeaning them in the process.  After hearing Jamie's revelation, I decided to try a new thing.  I always come up with quirky names for our house rules, and this one was no exception, it was to be a "closed door policy."  If you want to leave you room piled with clothes three inches thick on every open space, then  just keep your door closed.

My secret hope was that someday they would find the desire to clean it themselves.  And the best part would be that they would not need me to tell them to do it.  They would want it clean!  And maybe they would keep it that way.  I know, I probably should have been more pure in my earnestness, but instead I had ulterior motives.

Yes, that is the floor you can see!

Then, this past weekend, I set out to clean the house.  As usual, I suggested that my kids help out in some way.  I usually make a list of chores and let them pick.  The new thing is the "Fast 15", in which we all get busy cleaning for 15 minutes, and then we're done.  This day though, was different, we had at least a "Long 120" in front of us.

To my surprise, the girls set out cleaning their room, for three plus hours.  They cleaned the entire thing and have kept it that way for 4 days now.  They even make their beds every morning and put their clean clothes away!

My real reason for telling this story is all about a mural.  No, there's not supposed to be a moral to the story, just a mural.  Haha.  Anyway, my youngest got rid of four bags of her toys, since she doesn't play with them at all.  My oldest and I schlepped them to Value Village to unload our unwanted possessions.  Thank God for that place!  And there, on the wall across from the donation spot, is another of our favorite murals.  

I have always loved it because the top is scripted with an O that resembles the Baltimore Orioles O.  And sometimes I really do miss my people in Baltimore.  And believe it or not, Hon, I sometimes miss Baltimore itself.  I also love it because it reminds me of the mural where Amy and I took our "Urban Homesteading" photos.  And that was an amazing day in GLWT history!

And to totally come clean myself, this mural month might just be a bust.  But then again, you never know, I have been known to surprise even myself!

Who picked DIY, Mama?

Posted by Melissa Baumgart

Love/Hate

Tufting Update:
I am half-way finished with the tufting.  I need to wait until tomorrow morning to work on it some more because that is when I will have an extra pair of hands around.  The waiting is difficult.  The tufting was more difficult.  But I have to say, this morning at 6am, with my husband stapling and me holding the thread taut with the button pressed firmly in place, it wasn't that hard.  Dare I say, it has become easy?

But that definition of easy has only come after hours of frustration.  Sometimes perspective is everything.  Just yesterday evening, I looked Amy square in the eye and in a calm voice that clearly masks insanity, I said, "I f*#@ing hate crafting.  I hate it.  I always hate it."

My kids, each one in their own time, has asked, "Who picked DIY, Mama?"  And when I answer, "Me." They look at me bewildered.  They must be thinking, how could someone pick something that makes them so cranky and mean?  And therein lies the true lesson, how to remain calm in the face of extreme frustration and pain.  (My thumbs are killing me.)

I need to get myself back on the yoga mat, in my Bikram class.  That is where I really learn about how to train the mind to be calm in the face of adversity.  How to be less reactionary.  How to not walk over and slap my son's hand and curtly snap "Stop it!" as he annoyingly repeats a tapping noise on the computer keyboard, after being asked many times not to.  Yes, I did that while tufting.

Here are my big tangible lessons thus far:

1. This is a two person job.  This is not a DIY (Do it yourself), it is a DIMYWTHOAF (Do it mostly yourself with the help of a friend.)  
2. Make sure you have extra fabric.  And when you don't, resist the temptation to blame it on the fabric cutter at Jo-Ann's who said you didn't need 3 whole yards.  Always get extra.  That $6.00 - $10.00 is going to matter little in the end.
3. "Just keep tufting.  Just keep tufting."  It may be helpful to sing this little ditty inspired by Dory on the movie, Finding Nemo.  

I will post a final photo when finished, as well as all the nitty-gritty details.  Just wanted to keep you all in the loop.  Since you're all doing this along with me, right?  Right?

The growing season

Posted by Amy Baranski

When we originally chose this month's blog theme of DIY I had this vision that I'd be building furniture and sewing something for my baby every night. Am I off my rocker? It's April 15, and I'm lucky to have my first DIY project of the month half-way completed. By the way it has nothing to do with sewing or building furniture.

I've been feeling a little guilty about being so slow...I've thought, I just have trouble getting started on projects. But that's not entirely true. I've also thought maybe I'm a procrastination junkie. But, while I do like the thrill of finishing just under deadline I relish in long term planning. These blog deadlines are self imposed, they're arbitrary for all intents and purposes, and while following through with plans is important to me so is finding my own way in my own time. Part of life is enjoying the ongoing flow of change around us and in ourselves, as terrifying as the ebb and flow of life, love, and creativity may be.

During March it seemed like spring might be late in the Northwest this year, but it's not. The asparagus farmers reported that spears sprouted from the ground on, or around, April 5, and the dandelions have bloomed marking the important nectar flow of maple trees for the honeybees. Everything is right on time after all. Nothing is delayed. My garden beds are prepped, my peas are planted and climbing, and my husband installed the honeybees yesterday. The growing season is upon us.

April brings delightful blooms in Seattle and in a few weeks many trees will fully leaf out bringing a wonderful rustle and sway to our little corner of the world. 

With every start I plant in the ground I can't help but imagine picking the harvest with my new little person strapped to me in the late summer sun.

I keep thinking of all the space I'm creating outside now as our space, where we can breathe fresh air and tend the plants in each other's company.

There is much to be done before baby's arrival, but rather than get anxious about all the details I'm just trying to enjoy this season of change. I'm growing in size and growing more and more in love with my baby every day. On Saturdays we garden together at the Cesar Chavez demonstration garden and then we take a hard afternoon nap. From sun up to sun down we play Morse code, tapping secret messages to each other. I love when my baby dances and dances. It feels like the cherry blossoms springing open and the broad leaves of the maples unfurling in the spring breeze.

"Do it yourself!"

Posted by Melissa Baumgart
Here is what DIY looked like this past weekend:

Kid 1:  "Mama!  I need a glass of water!"

Me:  "Do it yourself!"

Kid 2:  "Mom!  Get my pajamas for me!"

Me:  "Do it yourself!"

Kid 3:  "Mama!  Will you find my baseball hat for me?"

Me:  "Do it yourself!"

It's everywhere!

I thought this weekend was going to be filled with sawing and stapling and other crafty DIY kind of stuff.  Instead it was filled with sunshine and family, processing raw life emotions and baking Easter bread. Like I often say here on GLWT, you gotta roll with the punches.  I just drove by that strip mall that Amy and I went to last year when we were learning tai chi.  It brought me back to that experience and reminded me how much I love that this blog has taken me to so many places, to meet so many people and totally takes me out of my comfort zone.

It takes guts, for sure.  And sometimes, I end up never wanting to do something again.  But the experience enriches my life nonetheless.  I was just talking to my Dad the other day about my financial struggles with school, and he reminded me that life experience isn't something you can fake. The fact that struggle presented itself and I found a way to persevere, has brought an experience to my life that no classroom could ever offer.

So, even within our times of fear or struggle, there is always a place within each of us called courage.  You can't find your courage until your trembling, and shaky and wondering if you might just fall off the side of a mountain.  Or maybe you're about to step onto a trapeze platform and fly for the first time.  Or maybe it looks like changing a habit that's no longer serving your body, mind and spirit.  Whatever that is for you, I challenge you to go there and find your courage.

This week, I will not only continue on my journey to reaching my goal weight, but I will also be stepping way out of my non-handy-person world and finishing a DIY project.  I am officially making that commitment. *yikes*  Let's just hope whatever I make will actually be usable!
-Melissa

A Sneak Peek with a Look of Love

posted by Melissa
Looking Forward:
Amy and I set out for the city this morning.  Unbelievably unlike our usual photo shoots, we were early and prepared.  We are getting pretty excited and have some big ideas for next month's Urban Homesteading.  I just wonder if I can pull it all off.

Here is a sneak peek for next month's photo:

Me and Amy, with one of our photographers. photo by Tallulah

Be Here Now:
We are still in Hiking and Backpacking month, and as such, we are planning another camping trip.  This time we will be car camping at Mt. Rainier, and of course, we will add in a hike.  I'll have the kids with me, so hopefully they won't complain too much about the hike.

Speaking of kids complaining.  Speaking of kids in general, my kids are back.  They were away, on the East Coast, for three and a half weeks.  Yes, I had over three weeks where I could slow walk to my hearts content.  I could pick whatever god damn movie I wanted and nobody insulted me or hit me because of my choice.  It was a great time.  I blogged at leisure, and nobody stood over me griping about how unfair my computer time is.

Chalk rendition of my love for my children.

But then again, there weren't those cute little faces smiling up at me, like only your child does.  That look that says so much; I trust you, I love you, you're beautiful, you're my Mom.  There weren't those cute, chubby arms wrapped around my neck.  There wasn't another set of eyes watching Project Runway with me.  Laughing.

It's tough.  You love them so much.  But they also drive you crazy like no one else.

Yesterday was the first morning we were all together again, just us.  Tallulah whined at me for the first full hour of the day.  Something about the fact that I didn't want to walk her to the bathroom.  She is 6.  She can walk herself to the bathroom, sorry, I was sleeping.  S-l-e-e-ping.  Was sleeping.

I got up.  The whining continued.  The fighting of siblings commenced.  At one point, Lily said to me, "Mama, Tallulah is whining like this....." and she demonstrated to a T the sound of her little sister's most annoying sounds.

"Lily, I heard her!  I do NOT need a reenactment!" I shouted from my chair in front of the computer.

Seriously.  I was just trying to blog.  I wanted to get my "Backpacking Chronicles: 3" post up before I forgot what happened.  Let me tell you, creativity is hard to come by in those circumstances.  

But that is what we parents do, we're not saints, just parents.  We do it as best as we can.  And we hopefully remember to cherish those moments when we share a look with our child.  You know the one.  No words can describe it, but it goes on and on, and fills your heart so you can make it through all the crap.

-Melissa

Five year old beats Mom at poker, this and other news.

posted by Melissa
Tonight is another poker night.

"Let the chips fall where they may."  (please be in my pile!)

So far, it has been super fun to learn, or re-learn, poker.  We start out with five card stud.  We learned it from a book aptly named, The Big Book of Poker, by Ken Warren.  We didn't try any of the variations, just trying to get the basics down at this point.  In five card stud you start by putting in the ante, a forced contribution to the pot required by every player that wants to be dealt in for that hand.  Next every player that's in gets dealt on card down and one card up.  At this point there is a round of betting.  Next everyone gets another card face up, and consequently after each new card that is dealt face up, there is another round of betting.  This goes until everyone has a total of five cards.  After the betting is finished, everyone that is still "in" (i.e. didn't "fold" their cards and drop out of the hand) shows their cards and the winner is called.  The winner gets everything that was bet during that hand.

The way you win at poker is to have the highest hand, or combination, of all five cards.  Here is a list of the rankings, as learned from the aforementioned book.  Listed from highest to lowest.

• Royal Flush  This is a straight, all the cards in sequence and in the same suit, and being the 10, jack, queen, king and ace.  If four players were to have a straight flush (ha!) then the suit ranking is spades, clubs, diamonds and hearts.
• Straight Flush  This is a straight, all cards in sequence, and in the same suit.
• Four-of-a-Kind   Like it says, four cards of the same face value.
• Full House  Three-of-a-Kind and One Pair.
• Flush  All five cards are of the same suit. (do not need to be on any order)
• Straight  All five cards in sequence, but are of different suits.
• Three-of-a-Kind  Three cards of the same face value.
• Two Pair  Two cards of the same face value and two other cards of the same face value, for a total of four cards.  The fifth card could serve as a tie breaker.
• One Pair  Two cards of the same faec value.  The three other cards can serve as tie breakers.
• High Card  If no one has any of the above rankings, then the player with the highest card wins.

The next poker night we had we played seven card stud.  It is very similar to five card stud, and yes, like you guessed, with seven cards.  You get dealt two cards face down, a round of betting, then four cards face up with a round of betting after each card.  The last card is dealt face down.  There is a final round of betting and then all players that have not folded how their hands.  Same rankings apply.  

Amy came down one night this week and we played some penny poker to learn how to play five card draw, the game we will be playing tonight.  The kids joined us, and while it was fun at time, we also had to deal with pre-adolescent upset at times.  wow.

Then yesterday, while waiting for Lily and Levi to get their cavity filled teeth worked on at the dentist, Tallulah and I played some five card draw in the waiting room.  It kept her focused for the whole 2 hours, without asking for treats.  If you knew Tallulah, you would know what a miracle that is.  Maybe it was because she was winning most of the time.  So, if I don't win any money this month, at least maybe I found something that entertains my kids.

(Note - We did't gamble with money at the dentist.  The other moms maybe thought we were playing an innocent game like War.)

I remember loving poker as a kid.  Maybe that's why I picked it.

Cheers!

Melissa

"I feel like I am worrying about something that hasn't happened yet."

posted by Melissa
Last night as I was turning off the lamp to get Tallulah to sleep, she turned to me and said,
      "Mama, I feel like I am worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet."

It reminded me of my blog post from the other day when I  was all worked up over everything I had to do, assuming it was going to be awful, before it even happened.  In her case it was that she was thinking about how her brother Levi often has a fit over something or another every morning, and she was thinking about that before bed.  And in her case, the thing she was worrying about, mostly likely would happen.

How do you explain to a 5 year old, that you didn't even know had the capacity to come up with that statement, how to let go of those worries?

by Melissa

One way I thought of was the slow walking.  It wasn't a way to directly answer her question, but as something to add to all three of my kids day that would help them calm down.  To give her a tool to use that would help her body and mind not get so worked up.  Lord knows, everyone in my family can use a bit of that.

This morning before I set the timer to 5 minutes, I asked my kids if they would like to join me in my slow walking.  An emphatic "NO!" resounded through the long narrow hallway to the kitchen where I stood.  I continued on, starting the timer and taking my slow steps.  Heel to toe, left to right, knees slightly bent, breathing slowly in and out through my nose.

(Note to self:   Next time, do not walk toward the children. Positivity, in any form, seems to piss off the "tweener" child.  As does calm talking.)

Next thing I know, Levi is yelling at me,

"Mom! Stop it!  What are you doing?!" in his whine/cry high pitched desperate way his voice gets.

"I am slow walking, Levi, like I told you.  It is calming, let's your body know everything is ok." I replied.

Levi walks past me into the bathroom, "Slow walking is stupid!" as he pushes me.

Tallulah has me cornered in the hall, arms stretched out so I cannot walk any further.

"Tallulah, pumpkin, please move so Mama can keep walking." I said in a calm, self-help CD kind of way.

"No, Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama!  Stop.  Stop.  Mama!", she cries back at me, still arms outstretched, not budging.

The thing is, walking slowly doesn't build up enough momentum to knock her over.  So I turned.  She scurried to that side of me and held out her arms again, repeating Mama without any reason for needing my attention.  All the while Levi is still yelling at me from the bathroom.  And it's 8:30am, half hour til we leave for school, and Lily isn't even out of bed.

Oh well, one less child to yell at me, I am thinking.

Somehow I managed to get my 5 minutes in.  I wasn't able to consistently breathe slowly, but I did keep my cool.  Now there's a novel idea for the Baumgarts.  Maybe I have to slow walk all day.  Maybe we all should.

The calming effect didn't last long.  By 8:50am I was yelling at Levi for being on the computer before school, yelling like no one else was watching...until I realized our front door was open and my neighbor was standing right outside.
"Good morning,"  I said, sarcastically, with a big wide smile.


How was your morning?

-Melissa