Friday, August 17, 2012

Fields of Joy

Posted by Melissa Baumgart
I am leaving town tomorrow for a week, on vacation!  As excited as I am, I find myself stressing about every little thing.  Did I spend too much money on food?  Did I buy enough food?  Did I buy too much?  What if I forget something?  Shit, I forgot the feta cheese...damn, that meal will suck without it.  What if I don't get my dishes clean before we leave?  Shit, I forgot my step-father-in-law's birthday last week and he's going to be here in two hours...what in the hell am I going to get him?  How could I forget his birthday!
"Let's wander slowly through the fields, the fields of joy." - Lenny Kravitz

My mind races on and on.  I am cranky with my kids.  Cranky with my husband.  And my jaw hurts from clenching my teeth together.  All of this...because of a vacation!?!

What am I doing to myself?  Am I the only crazy person out there that does this?  I think in the world I do a fairly good job at keeping up this calm, cool and collected front.  In fact, I guess I am that person most of the time, until it all comes falling apart.  Falling apart to the tune of such a trivial song.

It's time to be joyful and thankful.  Everyone just stop for one moment, right now.  Stop and be thankful for what you have.  Stop yelling at your kids, your husband, or beating up yourself.  There's got to be some grain of a reason for gratitude and I challenge you to find it.  Right now.

I don't want to be that cranky person.  That jealous person.  That stressed out Mama.  As I near this mile-marker birthday (turning 40! can I get a what what!), I am realizing more and more, that it is simply a choice.  Every time I feel my jaw clenching with stress and anger, I can choose to let it go. Even if it's only releasing the muscles in my jaw, physically, training myself to let go of that tension.

I want to be thankful.  I want to be joyful.  And I want to let the times of stress wash over me, so I can embrace true anger and sadness when they arise, go through it and then keep walking.  I know it's hard in our fast paced, gotta have and do everything, lifestyle.  But every once in a while, I am reminded to slow down...and I am inviting you to do the same.

PS.  Thanks for listening to my process/rant...I hope in some way it is helpful.


Tova said...

Love you Melissa. Enjoy your vacation!

Cassandra said...

*hugs* Hang in there! Take some time to actually enjoy your vacation. :)

Melissa Baumgart said...

Thanks, Tova. Love you too!
Cassandra...I did enjoy my vacation! That is one thing I am really good at, sitting back and doing nothing.