Friday, October 14, 2011

A challenge, in and of itself

What u talkin bout?
posted by Melissa Baumgart
How's the running going, everyone?

I ran today, and I kicked up the speed a notch.  Yep, that's right, I ran my fastest mile yet.  I made it under eight and a half minutes at 8:27, a speed of 7.1 mph.  That is a 2.89% increase (I challenge you to check my math to see if it is correct.) over my previous best of 6.9 mph.

I have to admit, though, that I did not run yesterday.  I let all those excuses I mentioned in my previous post get the best of me.  I flopped my body on the couch for the entire second half of the day and watched television.  I really missed that during Homesteading month.

I have said it before, and I'll say it again: Living up to my own expectations is one of the hardest parts of this blog.  One one hand, I completely agree that being OK with having a down day is acceptable and can even be inspiring for another person to read about.  It might make it more real and less like I am some perfect Super-Mom (totally am not!) that does everything I set out to do.  Within that framework, other people may find solace and comfort in knowing we all fall short sometimes.  And that we can pick ourselves up and start all over again, maybe even faster and better.

On the other hand, I hate not following through with a challenge.  I want to be someone that does what I said I would do, no matter how tired I am, no matter how many things stack up against me.  No one gets anywhere in life sitting on the couch for 8 hours a day watching TV!

That's life.  It's a dichotomy, a puzzle, a challenge in and of itself.  It seems it can be so hard to find our own inner voice without falling prey to the negative self talk.  That voice can be so seductive.  So pervasive.  Maybe that should be a month for the blog; journaling the internal negative voice, and burning every last scrap of those papers.

But I do believe that there is a future for us all, in which we are humble enough to acknowledge that everyone has these vulnerabilities and yet, self-possesed enough to know where to draw the line between our true selves and the false assumption that there is a part of us that is never good enough.  Maybe it comes with age, maybe it comes with self exploration.  Or maybe it just is there, always waiting for us to witness it.


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