Birthday Bowling Bash

By Amy Baranski

I grabbed a game before the guests arrived.

Ah birthdays. What to do? Who to invite? Why do I suddenly feel like I have no friends? Will my friends like each other? Why do I still have zits at this age? Do I really have to go out in public looking like this? What’s the meaning of life? What the fuck am I doing anyway?



Birthdays, if you’re lucky, are a bottle of expectations and reflections, chased down with a group of well meaning, and hopefully equally tipsy friends. 



Sorry dudes, not here to  make friends.

So, this year I took a different approach to beating my birthday blues. I grabbed the reigns and decided to host my own birthday party. I decided to throw a Birthday Bowling Bash at the Garage bowling alley. Who knows when I’ll be able to treat my friends to a good time again? Besides, it was going to be my way or the highway. I’m a little type A if you didn’t already know that.

You will have fun damn it!

In all seriousness, treating my friends to beer, pizza, and bowling put the pressure off me to have fun. Instead I got to see everyone else in merriment which then rippled back to me.

Inga checking out the prizes.

My friend Jason was SUPER skeptical of this approach. “That’s insane!” was his response when I handed him a drink ticket. “You’re insane, Baranski!” But after I laid out the fact that three prizes were at stake for the highest bowling scores of the night he just looked real serious and yelled to the room: “I’m not here to make friends, people.”

Of course, this was the perfect hook for Melissa, who was gunning for prizes before the party even started—maybe a hangover from Poker month? Wouldn’t you know they were head-to-head on lane 20. The rivalry ensued. Jason bowled a freak 141 and eventually walked away with the grand prize which included a vintage bowling bag; sixer of Miller High Life; pretzel rods; and $20 to the Garage.

Inga Muscio made my cake!!

I was so happy that the bowling made for a great icebreaker between my friends from different worlds, or different parts of my world. Of course, I have to thank Melissa who is, after all, the Party Doula.





I did not bowl well, but it was refreshingly distracting with so many people. The rest of the prizes included:

• Second Place: A copy of the Big Lebowski – this went to Dan.
• Third Place: American Apparel t-shirt with bowling pins silk-screened on it – this went to K-Dogg.



 Note the right leg.



The group was in favor of a last place prize, which would have gone to Jaga, my Polish friend who may have only bowled one game in her life. Her wind-up (and yes it was a wind-up) and release was one for the ages. The pictures don’t do it justice.

Special party thanks goes to my husband for driving me there, Inga Muscio who MADE ME A CAKE!!!, Tom for keeping diligent score, everyone for partying hard, and of course Melissa for choosing bowling month. Looking forward to many more frame with you all.