Thursday, March 11, 2010

fo shizzle.

sitting at victrola. my favorite thing in the past two days. i get to sit here, and actually have something to keep me busy. i have focus. i have purpose.
i am working on the kid's school auction. at times it is overwhelming...only because i beat myself up about not doing a good enough job. and then there are times, when i get into it, that i really really enjoy doing the work. emailing, coordinating, pulling together all the loose ends and actually not forgetting anyone or anything. I hope.
another highlight of the past week...snoop dogg. saw him at the showbox with my brother. jamie was supposed to be there, but he got a little too intoxicated and had to leave. big fight in our house this week. he wanted me to leave with him. WHAT? i sent him in a cab with a twenty and our address. and he was fine, he didn't die or anything. and snoop was awesome. well, from what i could see through the haze. the whole world is like the LBC to me these days. everything relates to being a gangbanger. what is wrong with me...i am a white mom in seattle with three kids. repeat to yourself, melissa...."you are not a gangster."
sadly, i have not danced all week. i mean, not danced the routine...cause i did get my groove on at snoop. this is exactly what i did not want to happen. that vision i had of me was still busy, but still doing whatever the month's thing was. so, i bounce back and forth in my head....maybe dancing isn't my thing....maybe i am just not giving it my all.
so, then there is life. the emotions, the chores, the questioning why the fuck we even do any of this at all, the pondering of existence. these are the everyday things in my house. if it is not me, it is my husband. sometimes i wish we could just live our life and not be, god damn contemplative. man up Baumgarts. just get on with it.
i was watching the Oscar's the other night and on barbara walter's special afterwards, monique had some words of wisdom. i can still hear her in my head. "it ain't heavy, mama. let it go." how do you master that act?
now back to auction emails.
sorry to have been gone so long.
i am for sure back after the auction on saturday.
and class is tonight...that should be inspiring. we will learn the whole thing tonight.

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