dum ditty dum ditty dum dum dum
(sorry, I just couldn't help myself)
i am a little nervous for my class tonight. it is an ensemble class so my fear is that i am going to come in and mess up and get everyone off beat. but they say it is a class for total beginner as well...so i should be ok. from what i remember about drumming, it is a beautiful balance between being aware enough to stay on the beat, and yet being free enough to flow and feel that amazing thing that happens when you become one with everything because you get lost in the rhythm. how hippy of me, huh?
But i do remember being at drum circles, seriously though...back in my hippy days. outside of grateful dead concerts. well, actually phish or further festival...the thing that happened after jerry died. from what i could tell it was not quite the same as back in the old days. but it did offer me a place to get lost in the magic of a drum circle. maybe it was the pot or maybe it was the mushrooms, but whatever it was it was amazing. i thought it was simply the drumming, the tribal nature of it all. and being that this time i will be unaccompanied by any hallucinogenics...i guess i'll be able to tell if it was simply the drumming.
so, i'll let you all know.
in other uneventful news...i still hate my job ( i am a glorified retail worker with a title that is supposed to make it all seem better). we had a meeting today to go over the "numbers" with the owner. and basically it seems like i should work harder so he makes more money. oh, and so other people can get raises...seeing as i was told i will never get another as long as i work there. and i am not a selfish person, but that just leaves no incentive. i feel like he would rather see me leave so he can hire someone for much less. and that's what i told him today at the meeting. and man, did i want to give my two weeks notice via phone message after i left. i mean, i do have a passion for what i do...but somehow his energy sucks it all away. is that my cop out? is he my scapegoat for my own laziness? or should i just take the leap and get the hell out...opening up more space for new opportunities to come. more doula work. working towards my upcoming birth assistant career. or maybe something even better than i could even dream. i am so tired of just making everything make sense and feel ok being at a job i hate or where i feel under appreciated. well, i just needed to vent. ad hoping that maybe drumming is an avenue in which to disperse some of this kind of energy. so you all don't have to listen to me complain ;) but then again, it is your choice...to read or not to read. :)
here's to tonight!