What do we really look like?

Posted by Melissa Baumgart
Inspired by my recent thoughts on losing weight as it ties into the self image issues, I was doing a little internet searching and reading.  This is truly one of my favorite ways to spend a day.  Searching for interesting and thought provoking material online and reading it.  I can spend hours doing this, all the while pretending to be doing important things like school, blogging and paying the bills.  No one has that many bills.  And I should be doing more school work.  And cleaning.  Anyway.

I came across an interesting website called "My Body Gallery: What Real Women Look Like." At first, I was like...Whoa, is this site legit?  Is it porn in disguise?  I'm pretty sure after checking it out, it's purpose is meaningful and positive in intention.  (Not that porn can't be those things, I guess.  I don't want any porn lovers hating on me.)

Their purpose statement is this:

"A recent study found that 95% of non-eating disordered women overestimate the size of their hips by 16% and their waists by 25%, yet the same women were able to correctly estimate the width of a box.
In a world full of images of how we "should" look it can get difficult to tell how we DO look. Our hope is to build a site where women can see what real women look like. What we really look like. Most women have spent so many years looking at themselves in mirrors that we can no longer see what's really there. The My Body Gallery project's goal is to help women objectively see what we look like, break the pact of silence around "weight" and come to some acceptance that we are all beautiful."

Screenshot from My Body Gallery

There are rules for posting and visiting the site:

It is not a forum for judgement.
It is not a place where some women are welcome to post their pictures and others are not.
It is not a place for us to second guess what someone says they weigh or what size pants they wear.
It is not a place to decide that someone is healthy enough or not healthy enough to post their picture.
It is a place for women to post their true and accurate pictures. And for other women to see that the world is not a place of cookie cutters. We are all different in our body shape and size as well as our place in our journey to loving our bodies exactly as they are, not as we (or others) think they should be.
It is a place for us to be kind to others and ourselves.

You can enter your own height and weight, pants size and body shape, to see how many different ways your "size" can look.  I broke all the rules right away.  All of them.  I find it hard to get out of my "The world is an Awkward Band Photos Laugh-fest" mentality.  I had so many thoughts as I kept looking at this site.  Clearly, I am still working through so many of my own body image issues. 

• "What a crappy photo."  
• "I'm way bigger than that." 
• "No way she's 5'8" and weighs that much.  She's too skinny."  
• "Oh, hmmm, maybe I don't look that bad."  

I was all over the place.  But I can see the value, and after my initial judgement (keep in mind, I didn't read the rules first) I decided to let it all go and be thankful for the women that had the courage to post their photos. 

What do you think?  Did you check it out?  Were you surprised?  Offended?  Would you post yours?
I almost posted my own personal photo here, but I just couldn't.  Maybe I'll post it there, if I can figure out how to black out my face.

Bizzaro World

Posted by Melissa Baumgart

Couch and blanket.

I went to a Barre 3 class the other day.  Honestly, this was my thought during class, "Why do these women pay someone to torture them all for the sake of vanity?"  It just seemed so bizarre to in a room with a bunch of wealthy white ladies, being told to hold poses and thank the Universe, sprinkled with reminders that we wouldn't die.  I also think a similar thought in the gym too.  All of us driving to the gym, only to sweat our asses off next to complete strangers on machines plugged into the wall.  It just seems so strange to me. 

I don't get the same thing for running, or for yoga, actually.  Running feels free and easy, and it's outside.  Yoga has tradition and a belief system ingrained into every pose.

Am I missing something?  Or is it just that we live in a bizarre world where people spend more time and energy getting thin than they do on solving, oh, I don't know, say...hunger and violence.  Don't think I'm special, I haven't spent time doing anything today but watching Family Guy and Silent Library with my tween.  I'm not solving anything.  Or getting any thinner.

Shame, it's the other heavy weight.

Posted by Melissa Baumgart
I have spent this afternoon hunting through old photos looking for one that I thought was here, but I cannot find it.  It was of me in High School, wearing a bikini.  Well, not in the school, but at the beach.  I'm so mad I don't have it to post on here.  I wanted to show a photo of the fairly normal sized girl I was.  (I actually had a very hard time writing that last sentence.  Like someone from high school was gonna read it and laugh at me.)

During a thin time(10 years ago), when I thought I was fat.

I did have some thoughts as I looked through the many manifestations of myself throughout the years. There were times that I thought I was so fat.  And looking back, I wasn't.  Sure I wasn't as skinny as some of my friends, but I certainly was not fat.  And there were photos of me at heavier times too.  So what.  I was still the same person.

Whenever I would lose weight, I remember running into people and hearing the inevitable, "You look great!"  That's nice and all, but the absence of those three words was so painful when I'm was not at my lowest weight. 

Also, as much as I still long to be thin, that's not why people like me.  No one that really likes me cares if I need to lose 15 pounds.  I'm pretty sure they enjoy who I am and aren't thinking..."Wow, I'd like Melissa so much more if she were skinny."  And I don't consider the thinness of a person a quality at the top of my list of things I really like about my friends.  Actually, sometimes, skinny people kinda make me mad.  Just being honest here, sorry skinny people.  It's not you, it's me.

I just really don't want size to matter this much.  But, unless I move to an isolated island (hey, now there's an idea) I doubt I will ever totally get away from the pressure of society to look a certain way.

Wow.  I got sidetracked by Facebook.  No Surprise. 

But where it led me was to a woman named Brené Brown.  I watched a TED Tv talk that she did.  She is a researcher on vulnerability and shame.  At once, I hated her and loved her. She says a preliminary clarifying remark which is that guilt and shame are not the same thing.  Guilt is "I did something bad."  And shame is "I am bad."  She asserts that, through her research, she's learned shame is a pervasive driving force in our culture that fuels perfectionism, eating disorders, addictions, violence, bullying...you name it.  I highly recommend checking her out and sharing your thoughts either here or on our FB page.

I am so intrigued by this.  And overwhelmed. 

I just wanted to lose weight.  And now it has turned into so much more.