posted by Melissa Baumgart
Yesterday I watched the Kardashians. It was mid morning and I wrapped up in a blanket, sat on the couch, and watched Kloe's wedding. I experienced a myriad of thoughts and feelings. They ranged from satisfied, relaxed, pathetic and embarrassed to apathetic, justified and lazy. I had cramps, and it seems like lately (since I am unemployed and not in school) it's my monthly excuse to plop my butt on the couch and do a little "Keeping up", if you know what I mean.
I know I said in a previous, inspired post, that I would never ever watch that show about the 1% again. And yet, there I sat, guiltily subdued by the drama and bling.
I could have been working on finding funding for school. (NOT, because every time I go talk to the person they send me to, that new person has no idea why they sent me there in the first place. It is a hamster wheel of educational and government bureaucracy and all I want to do lately is jump off and lay in the smelly cedar chips that make up the cage called my life.)
I could have been singing karaoke, but then I would have had to plug in the machine. And get dressed, because the TV is right in front of our big window.
I could have went to yoga with Jamie, but I would have had to have drank a lot more water in preparation. I hadn't.
I could have cleaned the house.
Instead, I did nothing.
Why do we feel so bad about doing nothing? Or about going back on passionate declarations about what we will and won't do with ourselves. Isn't it human to do these things? Isn't it after all just one day out of our life, or a couple hours? And then a new day dawns, perhaps like this morning with an amazing sunrise over the mountains. See, I knew it was over the mountains, even though I couldn't see them because I live in the first floor dark dungeon apartment, not the airy and open, light filled third floor apartment.
But anyway, a new day does come around, no matter on which floor you reside. A new list of things to accomplish gets drawn up and you just get to work. It's 10:20am and I already have four out of the 12 things crossed off. Not too shabby for a girl that sometimes just can't resist that temptation to Keep Up.