Pregnant Melinda's Next Move

Posted by Melissa Baumgart (aka Melinda)
Begrudgingly, I went to hot yoga yesterday.  I was seriously in tears the night before.  I didn't want to shove what I perceive as my chubby body into the tight yoga clothes I used to wear...and stand next to my very fit friend I was invited to go with.  I always hate that this is an issue with me, but it is.  It is ever present.  I believe at this point, that it is more about my mental state of being, and less about the way my body looks.  I would venture to say that it is a state of mind that many women drift towards; some more, some less.

The fact that I love my friend so much, and want to spend time with her, trumped my negativity.  I showed up at the 9:30 am class, nervous, but ready to sweat.  It was difficult, but not nearly as hard as I had anticipated.  The class postures were just as I had expected, 26 poses and two sets of each, and that was a comfort.  The discipline of the form relaxed my fears.  What I didn't expect was the scale in the corner of the bathroom.  Tempted as I was before class, I did not step on it, for fear that the number would haunt me the entire class.  I knew didn't need the extra mental pressure.

After class, though, curiosity won.  I stepped on the scale.  166.  It's not my top weight, but it is up there.  On the BMI calculator, I qualify as overweight, by 3 tenths of a point.   I am 25.2, and normal range is from 18.5 to 24.9.  The calculator I used allows you to set goals, and gives you caloric requirements per day to achieve those goals.  I set my goal to lose 2 pounds per week, and reach a final weight of 140.  That should take 13 weeks.

I have done this before.  Two years ago, I lost 30 pounds.  I know I can do it.  But it is scary to publicly set forth a goal like this.  And it's a little humbling to have worked so hard for something and then realize you chose to let it slip away.  My mind races with questions.  What if I don't follow through?  What if I fail?  What if I succeed and then give ti all away again?  What if...?

I would venture to say that my larger fear is that I will meet my goal and still be in this mind frame.  That I will still see my problem areas as if they are highlighted in bold print.  My simple task in this area is going to be as follows:  As soon as I hear that inner voice being critical, I will say to myself, "You are a beautiful person."  Simple.  We all are, right?  Who am I to argue with that.  Beauty, after all, is more than skin deep.

In order to kick start this goal, and since I have the week off of school, I am devoting my free day time to ME TIME!  Everyday this week I will go to water aerobics and Bikram yoga.  I will turn down the potato chips and french fries and opt for kale and almonds.  And every time I am critical of myself when I look in that unforgiving mirror at yoga class or in the ladies locker room at the pool, I will remind myself, "I am a beautiful person."  Inside and out.

It feels good to be transparent.  What do they say?  Acceptance is the first step?  It's all out there now!

Right now, I am off to my favorite Green Lake water fitness class, and then to my favorite yoga studio, The Sweatbox!  I can't wait to see all the familiar faces.

-Melissa

Quick Update:  I went to both classes and I feel great!  Day two of water aerobics/Bikram yoga is finished!  And YES, I did have to use my little mantra many times.  But the point it, that I remembered to use it!