Who gives a shit what the holy grail is

posted by Melissa

Supplies for the Quest

I watched 180˚ South for the third night in a row and finally finished it.  In the end, they show the main character and these two guys about 70 years old each, climbing up a mountain in Patagonia.  To me, it is unbelievable.  No, that word doesn't even do it justice, let me check my thesaurus.  It was an astounding and staggering feat.  They were using crampons over steep pitches of snow and ice, climbing up rocks with only their hands supporting them...and all of this with nothing but the near vertical drops leading to the thousands of feet below.

For me, more than their mind-blowing accomplishment of reaching the top, was their love for the outdoors.  It was about the quest, just being out there.  The main character, Jeff, initially heads there to climb Mount Corcovado.  At 200 feet from the summit, he is unsuccessful due to the conditions of the mountain.  While he is understandably disappointed, Yvon (one of the older guys) says of the experience:  "So it's kind of like the quest for the holy grail, well you know, who gives a shit about what the holy grail is, it's the quest that's important. The transformation is within yourself, that's what's important."

They talk a few times about the transformation that is just waiting out there for you, out in the wilderness.  Maybe that is what initially drew me to choosing this month.  Remember my "moss moment?"   Amy reminded me of it yesterday as we were driving all over Seattle getting our last minute supplies for the trip. I do crave transformation in my life.  And I have found that in the past through nature, a sort of transcending of the everyday.

We humans in the city are so busy running here and there, and by now even that is cliché.  "Like chickens with our heads cut off."  Everyone is so busy.  And for what?  So you can have that fancy new Coach purse ($798.00)?  So you can have 10 pairs of Smartwool socks ($15.00 ea.) and maybe a Smartwool shirt ($85.00) while you're at it?  At least the Smartwool will keep you warm while you are transforming through some transcendental experience in the backcountry.

A movie like 180° South brings me back to my days of idealism.  The days where I ate strictly organic, no processed foods, no sugar, bought hardly anything new.  Or hell, there were the days of only having a backpack and what would fit into it.  We didn't even have a tent, but we weren't backcountry, more in the trees of the on-ramp to the highway kinda campers.

And now here I am, living in one of the wealthiest cities, raising three kids, and all the while getting swept up into thinking, "Hey, wouldn't that purse look nice swung over my shoulder?"

Today, I ponder who I am.  What we are all doing here?  Why we all become so self-centered that we hog all the resources.  For our pleasure.  The movie shows beautiful areas of Chile being exploited with dams and paper mills, so that cities hundreds of miles away and reap the benefits.  I find that stomach turning.  And yet here I sit, in my city, in front of my computer all day long.  Shit, I think I might have at least 5 lights on in my house as I type.  I don't need one of them at this moment.

What to do?

Maybe the woods will soothe my worried mind more than I thought.  I am feeling more open to that.  I may not reach any major peak, but perhaps Yvon is right, it is in the quest that I'll find the transformation within myself.

Thanks for listening...
Melissa

Journeys: answering questions you didn't even think to ask

posted by Melissa
Back in the winter, I went on a rant one night about why I will never buy wool socks.  Especially those fancy pants SmartWool socks that every decent white person with a higher socioeconomic status than myself sports most months in Seattle.  (Check out the psychological study on the prior link, interesting.)

"I am not part of that SES!" I proudly broadcast, while playing darts in a dive bar.

I am now the owner of new wool socks and hiking shoes.

This blog has created a lot of changes and transformations in my life, but my SES?  Indeed, if SmartWool socks are also your gauge to someone's socioeconomic status, then I guess I am moving on up.

I don't ever like to spend money on these things. Not only because I consider myself to be bonded more with those that "don't have", (as much as I do long to be with the "haves") but also because I really don't get into outdoor activities.  I like backyard camping.  Car camping.  Safe, well-traveled hikes.

I spent most of yesterday leaning towards calling the whole thing off.  In my head, I worked out how I was going to tell Amy that I was not going on the backpacking trip.  I decided it was going to be better for everyone involved if I didn't go.  And to top it off, REI takes returns on everything I just bought.  Well, except for those totally lame hiking pants I purchased from the clearance section.  Why does hiking gear have to be so unstylish?

Speaking of unstylish, I have been walking around town, and will continue to do so all week, in these new hiking shoes.  I have to break them in as fast as possible.  I feel so unlike myself.  I feel completely misrepresented by my shoes.

Moving forward (for the blog), I have found inspiration in the movie 180˚ South.  It is the story of a man's adventure to Patagonia, Chile.  The scenery is breathtaking, and the love for the great outdoors is contagious.  And that's just what I need.  My plan is to watch it nightly.

This quote was particularly encouraging:

"Im drawn to open country. It's where everything becomes clear, where the world makes the most sense. When I put myself out there, I always return with something new. A friend once told me: The best journeys answer questions that in the beginning, you didn't even think to ask."

As of today, I have come back to the commitment I made, and I will take on this backpacking trip.  I might cry.  I might fall.  I might hate every moment of it.  I might get killed by an animal.  But like my Mom reminded me, when it is your time, it's your time...no sense in worrying about it.  Just see the beauty that is around me, as much as I can.  Because I might smile more than I cry.  I might feel strong and accomplished.  I might like a few moments.  And I just might live to tell you all about it.

-Melissa