Being a beginner

pushing hands @ Cal Anderson Park

When I was in grad school at Tai Sophia Institute in Maryland, I had to take what they called a philosophy class named SOPHIA skills.  It stood for School of Philosophy of Healing in Action.  The Program catalog from 2003 describes the course as such :

Based on the cycles of nature, this 10-day intensive unit introduces the notion of life force as well as a language and theory of healing.  Students learn observation skills as well as the language and concepts of Tai Sophia's philosophy of healing.

The class continued on past the intense 10 day, 8-hours-a-day, aptly named, intensive (maybe brainwashing seemed a better term, I thought at the time).  Every week we would learn more about rapport building, sensory awareness, being an observer and interpersonal skills.  A lot of the time I resisted the strict adherence to the language chosen by the school.  We could not veer from the "language" of SOPHIA.  Ever.  Here are a couple rules I remember:

"Replace but with and...we do not use the word but here."   

Example:    

       "I like the class, but I have a hard time with the language."  -NO                  

       "I like the class, AND I have a hard time with the language." -YES

Or the one where you can't say to someone... 

"You look beautiful in that color shirt."   

Instead, you could say... 

"In the presence of you wearing that purple shirt, I know life as beautiful."

I also resisted the way the class (and teachers) would bring me to my edge, of learning about myself and life.  I would see this image of myself standing at a cliff, timidly looking over the edge as rocks started crumbling beneath my feet and falling way, way down into the unknown.  It was an image I had seen before in my mind.
Every time, I would turn and run to solid ground.  How dare they push me?  They don't know what lies over that edge.  They won't be there with me at night when I lose it because I went too far.
I found the whole thing irresponsible on their part.

I was a beginner and I was afraid.  Ironically, it was in SOPHIA class where I learned the concept of honoring being a beginner.  I found myself talking about it today in my kitchen with Amy.   Back then, I was not ok with being a beginner in learning about my edges.  I got all indignant about the people that I perceived as pushing me, instead of being gentle with myself and being ok with where I was.  I was not ready to jump off that edge. And somehow I saw interpreted that as a bad thing.

In life, I find that we often stay on comfortable solid ground.  We find what works for us and we keep doing that.  Even when it is no longer working,

don't take yourself so seriously

posted by Melissa

It was rainy this morning on our walk up to 15^th Ave for the advanced tai chi class we sat in on.  Amy met me at my apartment as I was busily sweeping up and gathering dirty dishes from the latest Star Wars viewing of the night before, we are on episode IV. 

We enjoyed some dark ‘n stormys (yum, 2oz rum, 1/2oz fresh lime juice, and 3 oz ginger beer.  I added a mint sprig) last night and I was kinda feeling the after effects, so getting up at 6:30 for tai chi was not exactly what I wanted to do when my alarm rang.  But as Amy says, I did it for the blog. 

a sculpture at Cafe Vita, capitol hill

We arrived early and got to chat a bit with Saul. He told us a little about himself…he grew up in a violent neighborhood in the Bronx, joined the military at age 18 and was stationed in Taiwan.  It was there that he first saw tai chi, and he saw it everywhere.  He said he was drawn to it because of the people, the kind of people it collected in the practice…people that had respect.

Saul talked to us for most of the first half hour of the class while the students practiced “pushing hands.”  As I tried to make eye contact with Saul, I was drawn back to the students again and again.  The practice was so intimate, so close and sensual.   In pairs, they stood with their feet almost touching, facing each other and each one taking turns listening and moving with their hands and arms.  I got to try this at last week’s class, but it was more sterile of an experience for me.  Even though, at the time, I thought it was quite a stretch of the human interaction kind for myself. 

The formal class commenced with a sword lesson, using wooden swords.  So, a little less exciting than the martial arts movies I have been watching every night, but with a little imagination and soft eyes, I could see the foundation of those choreographed moves.  And as Saul said, “Respect the full postures, and they will blend together with the whole melody before long.”   He was referring to how he explained each step in the movements, where the weight was to be held, each hand, the level of the sword.  All of it needs to be precise, and yet within that a looseness of the mind.

“Don’t take yourself so seriously.”  

Follow the form, but don't be an over-achiever.  Saul mentioned how new students are always exaggerating the form and it's movements.  I thought maybe that it simply a part of the process of being a beginner and learning.