Under every grief and pine, Runs a joy of silken twine

posted by Melissa
I just got back from my first exam of the summer quarter.  Surprisingly, considering the minimal time I was able to study, I think I got mostly everything correct.  Jamie worked all weekend so I was with the kids.  We had baseball games both days, couple fun parties to attend and then I was going to finally get to get some quiet study time in last night.  The unpredictability of my kids led to a drastically different evening, and a far cry from anything quiet.

We got home from all of our activities and it was time to put on a movie for the kids and sit down to my dining room table, which is now also my school desk, to dig into some Anatomy & Physiology.  The kids were having a hard time coming to an agreement about what movie to watch and so I calmly stepped in.

"If you guys can't get along and choose together, I am going to narrow it down for you," I butted in.  "You can choose from North, Whale Rider or Children of Heaven."  I choose these because they are all pretty wholesome movies that offer some kind of learning or insight into life, something I think my children could use.

those three loveable little life lessons.

All hell broke loose.

"How could you?  We hate those movies!"
"You are SO mean."
"Why are you trying to ruin my life?"
"Why doesn't anything ever go my way?"
"You don't understand me at all!!!"
"I hate my life and I am going to kill myself!"
"We don't want to learn anything about life!"
"I hate you!!!"


All of these accusations and upsets were hurled at me from every child and every direction.  Accompanied with lots of intense crying and screaming and wailing.  Someone walking by must have thought I was abusing my children in here.  No, world outside my open window, I was simply offering them a movie.

What is wrong with them?  How completely entitled?  How dare they yell at me like that. I was not going to budge.  They could yell and scream all they wanted, but I was not giving in.  In an attempt to inspire some thoughtfulness, I asked them if they could ever imagine other kids talking their parents that way.

"Yea, well, it's because those kids are afraid of their parents.  You should be glad we aren't afraid of you."

"Um, thank you?  What?!" I thought to myself as I felt more and more like I was taking crazy pills. (Zoolander reference)

Tallulah escaped they craziness by getting in the shower, her happy place.  I finally said to the older two that I needed space, and I too, stepped into the now steamy bathroom.  Some deep breaths followed as I stared into the mirror wondering what has become of my life.  It was then that our first "William Blake" moment of the evening emerged.  (In reference to a couple lines from my poem I memorized...."Under every grief and pine, runs a joy of silken twine.")

Levi knocked and asked to enter.  He was calm and self-possessed, so I obliged.

"Mama, I was thinking, maybe we need to set a goal.  Like in school, we set goals and then we know what we are working toward.  So, if we can be good and not fight and not yell at you and listen to everything you say for like a month, then maybe we can all go somewhere together," He offered this 9 year old sage advice to my now open ears.

"We could go to Wolf Lodge, that water park place," I said, getting excited at the prospect of his offer and the promise of going to a hotel.

Levi continued, "I'm sorry Mama, but I think we just aren't used to behaving that way yet, but once we do it for a month it will become a habit and we'll be more used to it.  And then we can be more like Charlie's family." (Levi just made a new friend on his all-star team and our impression is that their family is civilized and kind to each other.)

I have to say I was not only impressed with his composure, but with his insight as well.

Next Tallulah started freaking out over..um, I can't remember what now.  But, as luck would have it, this freak-out also led to another "William Blake" moment.  Lily was trying to help me calm her, and when saw just how irrational Tallulah was being, she looked to me thoughtfully and shared her "silken twine" of the evening.

"Mom, now I can see how I was acting earlier.  I am thinking about how much of a brat Tallulah is being and that's how I was acting to you.  I am so sorry.  It is just really hard once I am in that space to think about how I am acting.  I love you so much, Mama," she shared as she walked toward me with her arms open wide.

Wow.  So, I am thinking that sometimes, as difficult and embarrassing as it may be, those disastrous family moments can lead to some powerful self reflection.  Even for my 9 and 11 year old kids.  I can hear some people I know thinking that the kids were manipulating me, but I disagree.  They didn't get what they wanted in the end.  And I can only hope that them not being afraid of me does offer them the space and time to figure these life lessons out, to talk to me about them, and to know they are loved no matter what.

I didn't study at all last night, I just crashed in bed, exhausted and oddly pleased with life itself.

Man was made for joy and woe
And when this we rightly know,
Through the world we safely go.
Joy and woe are woven fine
A clothing for the soul divine,
Under every grief and pine,
Runs and joy of silken twine.
-William Blake

Thank you.
Melissa

Poetry in Baseball

posted by Melissa

Levi in the dugout.

Today was the last day of our baseball season.  We hurriedly drove our rental car down to Renton to watch Levi and his All-Star team, the Senators, make one more attempt at winning. We were up against the Eastlake Jettas.  The first few innings were tight, but we were up by 4 by the end of the third.  6-2.

Then, I don't know what happened, but I guess I should have guessed because it usually does fall apart.  We started giving up runs.  First just a few, and then before I knew it, we were down 13-6.   The spirit was dwindling, and let me tell you, we are a spirit filled bunch of Senator's parents.

It was the top of the 5th (they only play 6 innings, but because of time we were going to have to stop at 5) and we were up to bat.  We needed 6 runs, at least, to tie it.  We rallied, and heroically, the Senator's started hitting and scoring.  Run after run were stepping their cleats onto home plate.  We even had a few scores but stealing home.

Then, we were down by one, two outs, and the our batter had hit at least 5 foul balls (read: 2 strikes, over and over again.)  The parents were feeling the stress, I was going to text Jamie (who was not able to come because of work) but I couldn't because I was trembling from the excitement.

Nico, who was at bat, hit one again; but this time not a pop up over the backstop, it travelled out just past the first base, right near the line.  And it landed just inside the foul line!  It was fair!  Our runner on third came in to tie the game and every parent on the bleachers stood up and cheered!  The kids were hugging each other in the dugout and I don't know if I ever felt a joy like that at a baseball game.

It turns out that because of the rules of the tournament, we had to end the inning at two outs; since we had scored the limit of 7 runs.  I thought, and so did a lot of other mothers in the stands, that in the last inning you were allowed to score as many runs as you could.  But, since it was the last inning due to time limitations, and not the *sixth* inning; the 7 run rule still applied.

G*d F*&king damnit.  The other team scored one run in the bottom of the fifth and we lost.  They had one out, and it was a high fly ball to left field.  Even if our player had caught it, he wouldn't have got the third base runner out at home after he tagged up.

And so goes Seattle Pony Mustang baseball.  But the good news is that we all got to gather at a teammates house and had a pizza party, ending on the high of a near come from behind win.  And not a possible trampling by another really good team.

That is 9 year old baseball.  And I love it!  I did recite my poem a few times today, and feel pleased that I remember it.  I am still unsure about trying to memorize the whole thing.  Or should I choose something else for the big recitation?  We'll see.

For now, I leave you with a Baseball poem:

Urban Achievers - So very proud we are of all of them

posted by Melissa
Happy Fathers Day!!!!

Everyone with their Wedge/Ryan "Moose"-stache.

We started the day with yet another attempt at making it to Maltby for the All-Star games.  This time by 8:00am.  And this time with an extra 11 year old girl.  It was a rainy drive, and about 3 minutes before we arrived at the field I got an email on my smart phone that the games were cancelled again.  I hesitated telling everyone since we were so close and if we showed up, at least the coach would see that we were on time, yet again.

I did speak up, my consciousness not allowing my to lie when I was soon to be asked what I was looking at my phone for.  Jamie didn't believe me.  He said I was pulling "an Uncle Ian" and pulling everyone's leg.  I denied that.  He was even more convinced.

We pulled into the Maltby Fields and sure enough, there was Coach Ken waiting for us to inform my husband that the games were indeed cancelled, again.  I was secretly happy that the coach saw that, had the game been on, we were on time.  Again.  If we had made a U-turn when I saw the email, no credit would have been due to the Baumgarts.

We decided at that point to make it to the Mariner's game for father's day.  Turns out the cheapest tickets were $60.00 today.  We had us and 2 extra kids, bringing the total without food and beer to $420.00.  Yes, I did just pass my math class.  And no, I don't think that is in the Baumgart's budget.

So, Jamie had the great idea to bring the game to the Baumgarts.  We set up our apartment all stadium style.  We tried to create bleachers, that didn't work.  But we did make a snack seller carrier and fake money for everyone to spend.  We had a board with our prices for hot dogs, beer, root beer and the all important Mariner's food "Rally Fries."  We decorated the TV armoire with Mariners regalia and an Ichimeter, that we updated during the game.  He got to #82 hits today.

We even had a shell game with some bowls and a fuzeball ball during a commercial, just like on the jumbo screen during the breaks.  We sold candy and had a raffle for a Mariner's jersey.  It was a super fun afternoon.  And best of all, the Mariners WON!  We took the series and beat the best team in baseball!!!!

T.J. is quite a natural at the plate.  We are signing her up next year!

Then after that we all headed down to Miller park to play our own game of baseball.  We met some other stragglers playing their own games of catch and batting practice; and we asked them to join our clan in a lively game of baseball.  No teams, just one person up at a time, everyone else out in the field.  Everyone was playing together, cheering each other on and having fun.

It was a great time.  All day.  A day I think the kids will always remember.  But who knows about them.  I know I will always remember this Father's Day.  It was a day that Jamie loved and he deserves it.  He is such a good father and works hard for his family.  I love you, Jamie.

Speaking of fathers, thank you Dad, for being a part of who I am today.  For inspiring my love of Math and for talking my ear off when I got in trouble.  I loved your stories, even though at the time, I wished you would just stop talking. :)  And a shout out to my brother, Ian, you are a great dad.  Your girls are  lucky to have you.

So, no bowling today.  But baseball.  All baseball.  All good.
-Melissa

Enjoying my coffee

This morning we were supposed to get up at 6:30am.  Levi had an All-Star baseball game in Maltby, WA and we had to be there at 8:30am, sharp.  We are always late to this kind of thing.  I feel like that big failure of a family that can't get their shit together, ever.  Kids are always fighting; Lily bossing the yojnger ones, Levi busily coming up with every clever excuse in the book and Tallulah, annoying both of them, just by being alive.  And everyone is always waiting, and thinking... "hmm, Where are the Baumgarts?"

So, I was determined to get there on time.  Ken, the head coach, is serious about the all-stars.  Frankly, so am I, and I wanted to prove it.

I admit we were a little leisurely about the morning.  I got up a bit late, the girls slept in, and Levi sat in front of the computer blankly playing video games instead of getting his own water bottle filled up.  On the other hand, the leisure could have been fueled by the fact that I felt somewhat together because the important documents were printed out and copied: Levi's copy of his passport and the medical release waiver.  But the directions...not to be found.  I couldn't even find the email I had read earlier in the week with the address and the link to the famous Maltby Cafe.

Go Senators!

I finally figured out where the game was, printed directions and slapped together five peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  A little slim of the peanut butter because, of course, we were out.  Had to scrape the sides of the jar for five sandwiches.  Sweet.  Lunch is going to be great.

As we are leaving the neighborhood, we look at the clock; we have just over 40 minutes to get there.  The Google maps directions say it takes 35 minutes, but the coach said to give yourself an hour because one of the floating bridges is closed this weekend.  Things were tense.  A lot was on the line.

Then I look at the dashboard, the gas light is on.  Fuck.  I click the buttons that tell us how many miles we have left to go - 0.  We have zero miles to drive until we run out of gas, according to the Toyota Sienna.  I look at the directions - 30.5 miles to Maltby.  And we have not a minute to spare for a gas stop.

We once saw a show that claimed you could drive like 50 miles after the brain of your car said you only have zero.  The Baumgarts were going to put that to the test this morning.  Rain pouring down, miles in front of us, we drove on.  And on.

We made it!  and NINE, yes NINE minutes early!

The tournament was cancelled due to the rain.  Life's triumphs and life's disappointments all in one.

How bout that form!  wow.

Jamie and I revelled in the glory of it all, the kids rolled their eyes.  Tallulah asked for another doughnut hole.

So, we decide to get some gas and drive on over to the West Seattle Bowl.  On Saturday morning they have "Breakfast and Bowl."   It was awesome.  Something about being at a bowling diner  reminded me of the above quote from "The Big Lebowski."  But without some guy yelling about Vietnam.  We had a very reasonably priced breakfast ($46.00 for five before tip and taxes.  And that included coffee, five breakfasts, three hot chocolates and a design your own bloody mary) and three free games of bowling for each of us.

I didn't bowl very well at all.  Just breaking 100 once.  But I forget to tell ya'll, on Wednesday night, at AMF Imperial Lanes Quarter Night (also a great deal) I bowled a 150!

I am feeling a bit sick, been napping and watching movies the rest of the day.  Possibly run down after finals and taking all that effort to be on time this morning. Man, that felt good.  We were Early!